Staying Competitive

I hate the feeling of having the obligation to work hard in order to stay competitive, whether is in sports, academics or careers. Somehow throughout my academics life, I have been working very hard to achieve what I want, before I came to know Christ.

Starting from primary school, I was sent to a so called "famous school" that teaches from 8am to 5pm. This school is about 45 mins driving distance from where I reside, whereas during those days, most of the kids study in the school around their local area. In general, most of them study from 8am to 1pm. What's so "special" about my primary school is they teach additional Maths, English (both Singapore syllabus)and Malay. Honestly, the teaching quality was up to there, but at that age I didn't really treasure the opportunity to learn. In fact, I turned out to be a sportsman in badminton, basketball and tabletennis. I was very competitive at that time and was one of the best players amongst.

During my high school, again my parents decided to send me to a repute school, a school that is well known for its tough exams, solid foundation of Maths and Science, strict discipline and the best teachers. In my opinion, you ought to work very very hard in order to stay competitive in this school, coz you will be treated the best quality of teaching if only you could get through the top class. Growing up in this environment, I have nurtured the skill to work diligently, efficiently and independently, having said that I did really enjoy my school-hood very much.

I then came to England to do my first degree and now postgraduate studies. Thank God for all these golden opportunities. These are the dreams of many I have to say. I seriously don't think I'm more distinctive than any of my peers back home. I finally understand the meaning of "By Grace".

Ever since I came to Christ and understand the real meaning or purpose of life, I have a very different point of view in "Staying Competitive". I didn't manage to get the best results I want during my undergraduates, nor I don't think I'm very outstanding in my current research. Even until now I think I have loads of flaw in my research, but I just can't be bothered to fix them. There's something wrong in my theological concept I think, coz I'm loosing steam more easily than before, many secular results and achievements seem not very important to me. I don't really care whether I'm competitive enough to stay in the academics.

Perhaps I'm not doing what I really enjoy doing. But who enjoys working hard since the age of 8, sometimes you just have to do it eventhough you don't really enjoy. Is this not the philosophy?

Shall I keep staying competitive in the secular like before? Can I choose to stay faithful with my believe at the same time?