這是我們的故事 .....

Easter Break 2007

2007-04-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

Was in Keukenhof with my friends during the Easter break. We didn't go in the garden but ended up renting bikes and cyling around the farming area. Was amazed by the scenery, the first time in my life surrounded by so many flowers.

Holland itself hasn't got many tourist spots. Should you plan for an Europe Tour, this is definitely one of the must-go places. The pictures speak for itself, don't they?

Weekend

2007-03-19T17:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel very thankful with what I have-- my family has been very supportive with what I’m doing, got a decent job with plenty of room for individual development, several groups of friends that I can rely on and turn to when I encounter problem, and of course finally the most important thing in my life-- God has provided me the best wife in the world.

For some reasons, I felt pretty relax staying at home last weekend, although I spent most of the time doing some work. But I still felt very cozy and warm, realizing what God has granted us, it’s all by grace, I have to proclaim.

Sadly, I have to admit that I’ve not been committing much with God’s ministry since I came to the Netherlands. Indeed, I could give you millions of convincing reason why I’m not involved in any of the church activities. But deep in my heart I know that I’m not ready to commit yet, not even to participate in a prayer meeting. I just lost the spirit and passion that I used to have. I no longer have any vision or mission.

Perhaps what I need is patience, hold back and wait for the perfect timing. God will make a way. I shall keep praying...

Energy Debate

2007-03-13T10:58:00.000-07:00

A lot of people are asking me how serious are the major oil companies like Shell tackling the issue of switching from "fossil energy" to "sustainable energy" (renewable).

Jeroen van der Meer (CEO of Shell) recently gave a talk, titled "The energy supply allows evolution but not revolution". I enclosed part of his lecturer here:

.....To answer this, I’d like to present some facts. Do you know how much energy the world is consuming at present?
All told, this comes to about 225 million barrels of oil equivalent per day. That’s the grand total of quite a wide range of energy sources.
In the first place we have oil, gas and coal. The fossil sources, in other words.
There’s also nuclear energy and hydroelectric – both with zero CO2.
Then there’s modern biomass, like biodiesel and ethanol.
Plus renewables, particularly wind and solar.
And in addition the world has 2.5 billion people for whom ‘energy’ only means firewood, harvest waste and dried manure.

I just said that fossil fuels account for 80 per cent of all energy, more than 180 million barrels of oil-equivalent per day.
Renewables and biofuels currently account for about 1 million barrels of oil-equivalent.
So that’s the ratio at present: over 180 times more fossil energy is being consumed than sustainable energy.

Why do fossil fuels have such a dominant position?
Because they’re still the most affordable and convenient source of energy on the planet.
Alternatives like wind, solar and second generation biofuels have the advantage of low CO2 emissions.
But they can’t compete in economic terms with fossil fuels – not yet.

Everywhere – at universities, scientific institutes and also at Shell – the hunt is on for technological breakthroughs to make alternatives cheaper.

If that succeeds – and it will succeed – these resources could meet about one third of world energy demand by about 2050. And they will continue to grow from then on.

Can’t it be earlier, can't it be more, I hear you think. Consider the two factors I’ve just mentioned:
- renewables plus biofuels are still a lot more expensive than fossil energy;
- and both still only account for a mini-share of world energy demand, which is still growing as well.

A simple sum will bear this out:
World energy demand is growing at an average rate of 1.6 per cent per year.
This year alone, that comes to an average additional consumption of 4 million barrels of oil equivalent every day.

Even if renewables and biofuels together were to grow at the rate of 25 per cent per year – which would be an enormous achievement, more than twice the average so far – they would then account for 250,000 barrels of extra energy per day.
But the additional demand comes to 4 million barrels.
So the remainder, 3.75 million barrels per day, will primarily have to come from fossil sources, because there’s little extra scope in nuclear and hydro.

If renewables and modern biofuels really are to get anywhere – and this must and will be achieved – then revolutionary technological breakthroughs will be needed.
This is being worked on – very hard, in fact. However the energy supply allows evolution but not revolution.
You can't simply upscale something that’s still very small, and also more expensive, into something very big.

Moreover, if we open up new oil and gas fields, set up refineries or LNG plants or build gas or coal fired power stations in 2007, these facilities will be there for a good 30 years.
That’s why the world can never switch over all at once to a new energy system; we’ll be growing towards it at an evolutionary rate.
The brand-new car you're buying now will only go to the breaker’s yard in about 15 years’ time. Only then will it be replaced by the newest technology......

Photography Investment

2007-02-28T12:22:00.000-08:00

Which one do you think I should invest?

Register of Marriage

2007-02-27T19:29:00.000-08:00

This is the day, this is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made!!!

We registered for marriage in Kuala Lumpur with the witness of our beloved family and relatives.

It’s a very simple ceremony, but I guess it will be eternally remembered and rejoiced!!

May we have a blessed journey…. Amen

Plant Visit

2007-02-02T09:38:00.000-08:00

I'm visiting the gas plant in St Fergus (Scotland) on coming Monday and will learn to do some test runs with my colleague. Have been studying chemical engineering for more than 6 years and I have never been to a real plant. Quite excited about this trip, but certainly I will get bored after a few days. Can't imagine someone works in a plant for 30 years, they must have gone mad !!

Looking forward for my trip to go home for Chinese New Year on next Friday as well !!! Can't wait.

Great Gadget

2007-01-21T18:41:00.000-08:00

I have to admit that this is a very luring piece of gadget. I always thought that I'm not a materialistic person -- I've been using my current handphone for 5 years, it's about 6 years now since I bought the previous PC (current laptop is given by the company), seldom buy clothes for myself etc etc. But now I'm thinking to get this phone, it's a combination of all the stuff that I want.

I wasn't attracted by I-Pod when it first launched. But I really think I should give some credits to I-Phone. Well done Steve Jobs !!

The cost of the phone is about the same price as I-Pod Video. I'm sure Apple has hit the right customer target, those youths will crazy about this gadget I bet !!

Appalling Weather

2007-01-20T11:53:00.000-08:00

The weather this week has been really depressing, especially the severe storm on Thursday. It was a Force 10 wind and the strongest gust was up to 133 km/hour, recorded in north west of the Netherlands.

10,000 rail passengers were stranded as the major railway network closed down. 6000 people were put on the emergency accommodation and 6 people died from the disaster. Our company announced immediate evacuation and encouraged everyone to go home earlier. I left office at 2pm and got home at 11pm. Can't believe it !! The worst travel experience in my life.

I shouldn't complain and in fact I should be thankful compared to others. I realised humans are so weak and tiny when dealing with natural disaster event. I can now understand better now how Hurricane stroke US.

Perhaps we don't really need nuclear war to wipe human race, a scale of Noah's flood will defnitely do the job.

Our Nest

2007-01-08T20:07:00.000-08:00

New Toy

2007-01-03T16:51:00.000-08:00

Everything here goes on really quickly. We bought this "toy" after Christmas, considered a Christmas present for ourselves, such an expensive present !!!

The car looks newer than it depicts in the pictures. It's a Nissan Almera 1.5, not a very luxury car but enough to do its job I guess.

People, feel free to visit me in the Netherlands, and then I have more reasons to travel around !!!

Happy New Year 2007

2007-01-01T07:47:00.000-08:00

Birthday 2007

2006-12-23T19:32:00.000-08:00

Can't remember when was the last time I celebrate my birthday with friends. I think it was back in 2003 when I was in London. I can only recall I had one birthday party when I was in high school (when I was 18 if I'm not mistaken). Other than that, normally I have a low profile birthday and most of the time it's just like a normal day to me.

Yesterday was my first birthday in the Netherlands. As usual, it's one of the ordinary days to me. We went to the city to walk around after work, bought 2 boxes of attractive homemade chocolate and some nice candles for house decorating, and finally decided to have dinner in KFC. We then cycled home to catch the drama "Medium" and Home Alone 2 on TV.

No birthday present or special celebration is needed, and everything was just like the rest of the days. Simple and relax birthday, but most importantly we enjoyed it very much.

I think we will spend this Christmas in such way as well.

Merry Chirstmas people !!!

Amsterdam-Norwich

2006-12-15T18:53:00.000-08:00

It's been a hectic week for me and I noticed that I've abandoned my blog for some time. I'm supposed to upload some photos of my house but I just couldn't find time to take some nice pics. Well, if you are interested in knowing how my new house look like, please come and visit me !!! :p

I think I can now consider my house as a "house". Basically it's pretty much furnished and we are quite pleased with the entire outlook of both interior and exterior. We are still thinking whether to furnish the kicthen and bathroom. Perhaps we should take a break now and finish the rest after Christmas.

Am going to England to visit the youth in Norwich. To be frank, I haven't been keeping in touch with any of them since I last visited them. Feel guilty sometimes coz I don't think I've done enough on this "outreach". Feel like this visit is more like a break/holiday for myself rather than bringing biblical teaching to them. Well, afterall I don't think I've done much biblical teaching to the junior youth in King's Cross either.

Happy weekend everyone !!!

Can't Wait

2006-12-06T21:24:00.000-08:00

I can't wait until Christmas, although I have only been working for a month. I think I need a few days break and enjoy myself. Then I can spend some time to plan what I want to achieve in 2007. It's always good to have some quiet time to reflect and think what I have been doing in 2006.

Time is really precious. I hope I know how to spend it more wisely.

Poor Customer Service

2006-12-04T23:25:00.003-08:00

It’s been a while now and we still don’t have internet at home. We applied it since early October. You can imagine how poor is KPN’s service. Moreover, I still yet have a mobile phone (I’m using a prepaid phone now). Mobile phone contract or tariff in the Netherlands is pretty expensive and not competitive at all I should say. After some comparisons, we were planning to get a contract for the phone Sony Ericsson M600. We went to phone shopsssss to try to get one about 3 weeks ago, but came back with this reply at the end of the day, “We don’t hold this stock in our shop, we will write down your name and call you in 2 weeks time when we have the stock”.

Come on, is this how they do business ??!!! This is such a crap customer service. You think you can go to a better phone shop, don’t even try !!! Mobile phone (or even telecommunication) industry in this country is dying…..

Apparently, we didn't get any reply from them. So now I have decided to stick with my old phone and live with the prepaid SIM card. They have lost a customer. I’m sick of going through all this process. To get a phone, they make many copiessss of your passport, residence permit, bank statement, proof of address etc etc. Come on, I just need a phone.

In general, I should conclude that the customer service in Europe is not competitive at all, if compare to USA I have to admit, even though to a certain extent I don’t really agree with many American’s system. My limited experience being a customer in USA gives me the impression that American’s customer service is more efficient and friendly, or at least you feel like you are a customer.

First Dutch Lesson

2006-11-23T18:20:00.000-08:00

Didn't really do much today. Morning went pass so quickly until I couldn't recall what I've done. Had meeting with a bunch of suppliers for 2 hours in the afternoon. They are all manager-ranking, highly profiled and very experience people. They are tyring to sell their service/product/idea and to convince my boss to choose their technology in the upcoming multimillons projects. No surprise they sent 5 managers to present their portfolio to us, and they are travelling all the way from Germany and Belgium. If they get my boss sign on the dotted line, I bet they will have grand bonus next year.

Had my first Dutch lesson just now. Need to do more practice on my own leisure. I really want to learn this language, at least to a level where I manage to understand the news and able to read the newspaper. I hope I'm not too ambitious. We shall see.

Weekend's coming. Looking forward to it.

More Coffee

2006-11-20T23:24:00.000-08:00

I had dinner with a group of my young colleagues (a.k.a Young Shell, this definition includes all employee below 35) from my department at one of my colleague's house. There were 9 of us, all from different countries in general --- English, Irish, Dutch, Algerian, 2 Indians, Turkish, American-Serbian and myself from Malaysia. What a combination in so called "Global Solutions", and none of us are above 30.

Recently Royal Dutch Shell is hiring a lot of employees, particularly in technical field. I can see that my department is undergoing some sort "evolution", perferring young and fresh "blood" to experienced hire. No doubt this is to tackle one of the problems that the company is facing ---an aging organisation, where in 5 years time about 30% of the employees in GS Amsterdam are eligible for entirement. Pretty serious huh.

I've decided to continue the routine of waking up at 6am and arrive the company at 7am. I'm not sure how long this will last. Anyhow I feel good to work in the morning, after having a cup of coffee and breakfast in office. Taking about coffee, my coffee consumption recently has increased exponentially, 4 cups of coffee per day in considered the norm.

Time to bed. May it be a good start tomorrow.

I Want Internet At Home

2006-11-19T20:02:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the starting of my 3rd working week. Day by day I'm trying to learn as much as I could and I'm given more and more responsibilities. I hope I'm able to deliver a great and up-to-standard job at the end of the day.

Again, we spent most of our time doing DIY, shoppingsss, cleaning and unpacking on weekend. There are more things to do on upcoming weeks but all I could say is we are getting closer to a "home". We are always exhausted at the end of the weekend, at the same time we are pleased with the outcome of our hardwork.

So far I have no complaint about Dutch's efficiency, apart from this stupid internet home-connection issue. We applied for the broadband since early Oct, until now the connection is not activated, not even the landline !!! By the way, our service provider is called KPN, the customer service is as bad as Vodafone (for the sake of your reference how bad is the service). The only thing they do best is to take money from your account and leave you with endless problem.

I'm looking forward to this coming Saturday and Sunday. We are expecting some new gadgets like Plasma TV, DVD player and HiFi and fridge to be delivered to our place. Hopefully we will have the internet connection as well.

Gonna be a busy week ahead. Pray that God will continue to strengthen me....

Ambition

2006-11-09T17:46:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder why I ended up in the Netherlands. I have never dreamt to come to this place, but my ambition was to work as a chemical engineer in Shell when I was in high school. That's the reason why I chose this field during my undergraduate.

I have no idea what's chemical engineer about when I was in high school. Indeed, I was wrong to think that Chemical Engineer studies a lot of Chemistry, but I learnt mainly Physics and Maths when I was in undergraduate.

Now my job scope involves everything, Chemistry, Physics, design and R&D. In short, all these are pretty technical and involve many brainstormings. These are all what I used to dream doing when I was young. I used to think Engineer sounds cool and challenging !!!

My job scope in Shell so far still convince my traditional thinking, although I once thought that Engineers are close to nothing, commonly known as a group of scumbags or higher-class technicians with poor salary. I hope I’m good enough to defend these statements in future, finger crossed !!!

I’m going to start having Dutch lesson next week, 15 hours in total and divided into 10 sessions. I will then decide whether or not to continue the course, if I have time. Afterall there are always huge disadvantages for not knowing the local language.

I hope I will love this country during my stay here, literally known as “The Low Countries” – The Netherlands.

Highlights

2006-11-06T22:07:00.000-08:00

Here are some of the highlights of my updates recently, since my last blog update:

(1) My first week in Shell Global Solutions went alright so far, everything is under control. I'm quite happy with my job scope and the working environment. My main activities involve more R&D in the beginning, and then some design work 2 months later. Currently I'm assigned a large amount of money in my research project. I can't reveal how much it is, but I can give you a hint it's more than my previous 3-year PhD research funding in Imperial. Indeed, industrial and academic funding are totally different scaling.

(2) I found a Chinese church in Amersfoort, about 20 mins cycling distance away from where we reside. Our first church attending was last Sunday. Some of the worship songs are in Dutch, the sermon is conducted in Cantonese-Dutch, cool huh??!!! Hopefully I can pick up Dutch more easily once I start having Dutch lesson next week. Also, I bought a Chinese-Dutch version Bible, sounds like I'm pretty enthusiastic in learning Dutch :p .
There is about 20 to 30 people attending this Chinese church, majority of them reside here permanently. The adult to youth ratio is pretty high, no surprise they only have youth fellowship biweekly. Also, the fellowship takes place 20 mins away from this city, also I was told there's only 10 attendants each time.

(3) Last weekend we spent most of our time doing DIY. Our house is getting more and more equipped and well decorated. Hopefully before Christmas we can fully furnish our house and get all the little fixings done.

That's about it. Shall write more when I have time.

Settling In the Netherlands

2006-10-30T00:23:00.000-08:00

Have not been blogging for the past 3 weeks. So many interesting things had happened and I have no idea where to start if I'm gonna fill all the blog gaps.

I'm now slowly settling in a town called Amersfoort in Netherlands. I've been in this country since 19th October, so far most of the people whom I met in this town are pretty nice and helpful, despite the fact that I absolutely know nothing about Dutch language.

UK and Netherlands have very different system in general, in terms of culture, lifestyle and even mentality, ranging from driving system, DIY rules (Blue wire is Neutral and Brown is Life, unlike UK), well-thought bicycle system, better garbage and recycle handling etc etc. Every single day I'm confronting new things and I'm sure I will have more things to adapt when I start working on Wednesday. Kinda of exciting to me so far and I'm certainly enjoying it.

At the same time, I miss London too. Such a weird feeling, I couldn't describe what I miss in London, it's like something is missing over here.

I guess it's because I'm only having proper conversation with my girlfriend for the past 10 days. Perhaps I need more friends !!!

Counting My Days

2006-10-10T17:04:00.000-07:00

One week from now the courier people will collect all my belongings in London and ship them to Holland. I've done most of my packings. Now, I'm looking at my room, full of books, clothes, accessories and some memorable stuffs.

Frankly, I really want to leave behind all the stuff that I bought from this country. My concept is whatever belongs to this country should remain in this land, although all these neccessities have been my companions from time to time. I think that's the main reason why I gave away my personal computer. Kind of miss my PC, it's been with me for 6 years, during my up and down, my joy and sorrow, from undergraduate to Phd, from a naive student to a mature adult, from non-Christian to Christian, from blind to see, from deaf to hear, from death to life....

I thought it's kind of cool to bring just one luggage from London to Amsterdam, just like what I did when I first stepped onto this land 6 years ago.

Hmmm, it's even "cooler" not to bring anything with me, perhaps just passport, ticket and identity documents. Should I try?

Last Day in KX

2006-10-08T21:21:00.000-07:00

Saturday and Sunday were my last day in King's Cross Fellowship and Service. To be honest, I have a lot things to say, a lot of mix feelings to describe, a lot of visions to share and a lot of contents to blog.

However, I just found out I have no idea where to start or what to write when I'm blogging. Perhaps I will post my writings in the "Bridge" (Church Magazine), so check it out if it's published.

I would like to express my greatest gratitude to everyone in the church. I do appreciate and enjoy the time that I spent in KX. In my opinion, living my PhD life but without the church life would have been a complete disaster, in contrast, living a church's life without the PhD life would have been more interesting I guess. Anyhow, life goes on and it's niche for me to move on. I do feel it's the right time for me to leave this country, to a totally different place and start all over again. Yeah, I mean ALL OVER again. Let's hope that this blog will continue to bring more wonderful inspirations, stories and testimonials after I start my "new" life in a new place.

Indeed, many ask me about my pre-feeling to Holland, I told them I'm excited. Of course, at the same time, I do miss all my fellows, friends and mentors in church a lot. It's quite similar to the feeling I had when I left Birmingham to London almost 4 years ago. The only difference is that I'm quite certain I will still keep good touch with this people in London after I left. Don't ask me how or why, it's from my spiritual instinct (well, I don't dare to say God told me). I really think there's a purpose for me to be in Holland, I hope : )

Sometimes I feel that my depart is for the good purposes to myself and to the church. Having said that, I'm regret to say that I do want to stay in the youth ministry in London with all my hearts and efforts. Anyhow, I trust this group of people will continue to improve, grow and finally settle in excellence.

From Malaysia to Birmingham, from Birmingham to London, and now from London to Amsterdam. I have no idea where is the next stop. I just pray that God will interverne with my life all the time and may it be a more and more fruitful life wherever I go.

I Need Strength

2006-10-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

I really need more strength and determination in writing my thesis. This is so torturing !!

I will need to overcome this torturing process even after I start working. But I promise things will get better. I will be more discipline.

My supervisor told me I've got enough experiment data for my PhD work . Finally, it's a relief to hear that last week.

It's just like I've got all the puzzle pieces, and I need to spend a lot of time putting them together to form the big picture. It's not an easy job at all !!!

I know I can make it. Bear with me !!

New Africa

2006-09-28T16:13:00.000-07:00

In contrast to previous years, I've made a few good friends doing their 1-year MSc Course(Chemical Engineering) this year. As usual, this is the period when all MSc students say goodbye to each other, after completing their hectic and stressful 12-month programme. Everyone has their own dream to achieve, career to pursue, destination to reach and mission to complete. We probably won't meet each other anymore for the rest of our life, judging from the fact that each of us has very different background.

Today, I spend most of my time having farewell lunch and tea with my good Nigerian friend. To be frank, it's really an honour to meet him, at the same time it's sad to see him leave and he's returning to his own country on Sunday.

Charles is not only a devoted Christian, he's also a very ambitious, righteous, passionate, intelligent and humble person. Well, I'm losing my words to describe his good characterisitics. : ) . In short, Nigeria needs a lot of this young people or leader to reform the country. Corrupted and greedy leader is not going to bring a country out of poverty, chaos and disorder. Personally I think this principle applies to any nation and any place in the world.

Talking to Charles is always inspiring, if not least, his passion, love and commitment to God does stimulate and still convince me that Christian faith is worth uplifting.

I'm looking to meet him again in May 2007 back in London, when he will attend his graduation ceremony. Meanwhile, I wish him well and all the best in his career in Total - a stepping stone towards his dream to solve the energy crisis in Nigeria. :p

Good luck and God bless mate !!

3 Weeks To Go

2006-09-26T16:47:00.000-07:00

I have 3 friends from Malaysia emailed me that they will be visiting London for business trip and wanna meet up with me on mid of October. I have been in this place for 3 years plus and I never heard from them, really have no idea why everyone pops up all of a sudden, especially on this occasion when I'm about to leave, weird !!!

At the same time, different groups of friends are inviting me for farewell dinner within the next couple of weeks. I'm really hoping to see them, although some of them I meet very frequently. I guess I will have a pretty busy schedule in few weeks time, despite arranging and preparing all the stuff before and after I leave London.

I've decided to step in the Norwich Trip, which has been changed to 14th and 15th September. I still think everything happens for a reason, I will just need to spend some time preparing some Sunday School material. Will try my very best to cope with all these before I leave. I'm getting more and more excited now........

Closer

2006-09-22T16:22:00.000-07:00

I'm recently reading a book related to youth ministry during my bedtime reading. This book is called "How to be a Student Leader", written by Doug Fields from the Simply Youth Ministry. Doug has been involving in youth ministry over 15 years and has written over 20 books on related youth issue and ministry.

Personally, I found this book useful to me as it reminds me of many principles of being a student leader. The starting highlights of the book is to define what's so called a student "leader", whom I strongly agree with him, in which a "leader" is nothing but only a "servant" in fact. "A student leader serves until the end", he quoted.

In short, his wordings in the book are simple, easy to understand, but the ideas are helpful and meaningful. What strikes me the most after I read the book was he mentioned that one of the most important elements in a youth ministry is "the inner relationship of leaders with God". The only difference between leading a community or a company and leading a God's ministry -- it's not the leader who's leading the fellowship, but the presence of God. Indeed, I have to agree with Doug that the degree of spiritual relationship with God of a leader will affect the entire fellowship.

Perhaps there won't be any progress of our ministry when from time to time we spend endless time and efforts serving in church, while we have neglected spending our individual time communicating with God, to listen carefully and follow obediently. This really reminds me of the importance of prayer and reading the bible.

I should have realised the missing of this important element when I found myself losing steam when serving recently. I thought it's the pre-leaving symptoms to Holland, but I supposed I'm wrong !!!

It's time for me to return and stay closer.....

Sacrifices or Be Good to Ourselves

2006-09-18T16:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's really hard for my girlfriend and I to decide on something we both really want to do, with good purposes and intention, but the drawbacks are several stressful or sleepless nights in return.

We talked about this several times and really gave it some serious thoughts.

Recently we are committed to the Norwich Junior Youth Sunday School on a bimonthly basis until summer 2007. We are working on this outreach with 4 brothers and sisters , each of us share the same burden, passion, committment and even sacrifices towards this group of young people. Our first official trip to Norwich will be on 21st and 22nd October (Saturday and Sunday). Both of us think we should not miss this trip, seeing that we already have not much chance to meet or communicate with this group of people. From a practical point of view, it's not easy at all to even get close to this group of youth when we meet such occasionally, let alone to influence them spiritually. Moreover, my little experience on junior youth ministry reminds me that we need numerous time, manpower and energy to blend with them, no matter it's on fun activity or bible teaching.

I will be working in Holland on the 1st of November. My original plan was to spend about 10 days to get myself settle (plenty of DIY and shopping needs to be done, plus some time to get used to the new environment). In short, both my girlfriend and I will be in real busy and occupied during that period. We have to spend our time very wisely when I arrive on 19th October. We are struggling now whether to join the outreach and arrive Holland on 23rd October, that leaves us less than 10 days to do everything that we are planning to do.

I understand to a certain extent it's not up to us to decide, coz our heart should follow what God wants us to do. But at this stage, to be frank, we are in a very dilemma situation. My heart is feeling more towards "be good to ourselves" than "present our bodies as a living sacrifices".

Dear God, please speak to us, like you always do. I'm just lost on this issue. Amen.

Hai yaya

2006-09-08T21:03:00.000-07:00

Hai yaya, I am exactly like the picture shown here. Super tired and exhausted. Still in the office now doing my work, and most likely have to come back on weekends to continue :-(...

At times, I really do feel my work is meaningless...I better spend my time sleeping or resting or something else. But no matter how I complain, here I am still doing the work. It is like a never ending meaningless circle. I do question my work at times, do I really belong here?...I can be really paranoid about this because till now I am still not sure what I really want to do. Being good at what I do doesn't help, I don't feel the satisfaction or need ...I do hope God will guide me and show me the way. I want to be sure in my heart this is what You want and not my selfless means.

~totoro~

My IQ

2006-09-04T18:48:00.000-07:00

Wahahahha...I've done an IQ test from the BBC website, called Test The Nation, a pretty popular test in the UK recently. Guess what, I was predicted that my IQ is only 85, whahahha, still I'm considered normal, coz 2/3 of the nation scores between 85-115. See the scoreboard here. I'm at the lower end I know !!! But I'm glad that I belong to the majority.

I can't believe I'm so dumb. I have always aware that I have pretty low EQ, now only I realise that my IQ is as "good" as EQ. Overall I think this test is considered all arounded, in terms of logic, puzzle solving, perceptive, observation and memory. I only manage to guess most of the questions to be frank, and I haven't got enough time for almost half of the questions. Perhaps I wasn't ready to be examined that way. Well, I'm not trying to give excuse, I'm simply dumb !!!

One of my Sunday School students scores 142, which is equivalent to top 1% of the nation. Quite impressive I have to say. Having said that sometimes I'm reserved with this kind of IQ, not against the entity of the IQ test but the actual effects of the outcome. It could be really misleading when one starts to absolutise the IQ ability and try to get merits out of it, even worse, discrimination could easily happened. I'm not saying having a high IQ is a bad thing, I just hope that people will start to realise the close relationship between wisdom and IQ (intelligence quotient).

Unless everyone gets back to the bible, else the ultimate purpose to identify the correlation between IQ and wisdom would be defeated.

Proverbs 9:10 - The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
箴言 9:10 - 敬畏耶和華是智慧的開端；認識至聖者便是聰明 .

What are you waiting for if you only have high IQ?

Ridiculous

2006-09-01T18:13:00.000-07:00

This is the most ridiculous and horrendous news that happened in Kuala Lumpur. I know this is not a big news, but I just can't help it. I just think it's absolutely hilarious.

真心英雄

2006-08-31T14:26:00.000-07:00

This song is one of the hottest songs when I was in high school. I could still remember vividly I sang this song with my roomates in our dorm at school hostel. Time really flies, it's about 10 years ago. Quite a meaningful song especially to teens during that time.

Youngsters nowadays don't really know who's Emil Chau and 李宗盛, one of the most famous chinese pop singers and composers during 95s'. Surprisingly, they only know Jay Chow. I seriously have hard time understanding why teens like hip-hop which doesn't mean anything.

Sometimes song like this can bring back wonderful memories.

Getting Cooler

2006-08-28T19:23:00.000-07:00

I've got another updated email from my Korean friend, whom I mentioned on my previous blog about an interesting mission that he's carrying out this summer.

He's now in Quetta (Pakistan) and will be entering to mainland China via Islamabad. Reading his email is indeed exciting, and also worrying. He told me that some of the civilians in Quetta have guns when they are walking on the road. Gosh, I'm suprised that he never got robbed !!! Perhaps only people with this kind of character will go through the barrier.

One of his "exciting" highlights in the email was he got slipped for some reasons and the scooter was broken in Pakistan. "God bless me, I'm still ok !! " he quoted. I hope he will find the little bible that I gave to him useful.

Will continue to remember him my prayer. Take care brother !!

p/s: You can view some of the photos he's taken during the entire trip here. Apparently he's also a pretty good photographer.

A Picture Paints A Thousad Words

2006-08-25T12:28:00.000-07:00

加拿大华裔画家刘溢的《搓麻将的女人》（原名）在发表后，曾在中国和国外引起了强烈的响。
中国内外各网络媒体和传统媒体对刘溢与《搓麻将的女人》争相报道。
刘溢的太太把他这幅作品称为《达芬奇密码》中国版，并改名为「2008-北京」。在今年3月的纽约艺术博览会展出，引起轰动。

作家简介
刘溢1957年生于天津，1982毕业于中央美院油画系。他是文革后第一批考入中央美术学院的学生。现在旅居加拿大，是活跃在世界各地画廊和博物馆的中国优秀画家。评论为超现实主义与波普主义——两极之间的探索者。

解读一：
背景：阴云密布 2008年的台海局势扑朔迷离, 阴云密布。
主画面：4个成年人在开赌局, 是麻将, 1个小女孩在场外东亚地区的赌盘上, 实际上是4个大国在玩, 台湾不是参与者. 而这次的游戏方式是东方式的麻将。
赌局的布局：两个金发女子与两个黑发女子。中美是对家, 日俄是配角,4个人身份很明显。
衣服：4个人身上的衣服代表实力, 美国上身齐全, 下身裸体,在台面上实力最强, 而台下一丝不挂, 中国在台面上一丝不挂,在台面下实力却最强, 日本整个一丝不挂, 没任何实力, 而俄罗斯只有一个遮羞布。
神态和动作：中国背对, 看不出神态. 但是是最关专注于赌局的, 而背地里藏着2张牌,其中一张是俄罗斯串通得到的. 日本在自我陶醉, 整个赌桌上最白痴的一个, 关心赌局, 并自我感觉自信满满. 俄罗斯躺倒, 把腿搭在美国身上, 而且牌是相公, 代表俄罗斯因为无关输赢, 表面上是自己不想玩了, 但俄罗斯明里和美国有瓜葛, 暗里却给中国递牌. 美国的神态在看着台湾, 不太关注牌局, 而且双手放头后申懒腰, 表明美国已经比较疲惫, 美国考虑的是值不值得玩下去的问题, 而不是怎么玩的问题。
台湾：台湾严重关注赌局, 果盘代表利益, 手拿小刀想保护自己的利益. 台湾的衣服是中国式的, 代表暗示台湾才是中华正统. 而大陆只是在身上有凤凰的文身, 下面却穿西方衣服, 代表大陆外在西化，内在满清化的趋势；穿衣服的是美国。

解读二:
左：日本，
　　背对画面的是中国，
　　躺著的是俄罗斯，
　　站著拿刀的小孩是台湾。

　　除了美国之外三方都光著上身，暗示实力弱于美国（不是废话吗）；
　　美国表面上不看牌桌，其实在看她的另一张牌：台湾；
　　日本自鸣得意，就等著摊牌；
　　中国除了明摆著一副东风（“东风”啊），背後还有牌；
　　俄罗斯表面装作不想玩，其实一脚踩美国，一手拉中国；
　　台湾一手握刀，已经快脱光了（仅用水果挡著）。

纽约艺术博览会上一幅题为“2008-北京”的油画。北京将举办奥运会，即OlympicGames。这幅画中也是Game，却是中国的传统Game--麻将。这些女子，代表着全球化竞技场上的博弈者。
　　画的左上角，是一幅标准像，乍看上去，熟悉又不熟悉，那是孙中山的胡子，蒋介石的光头，毛泽东的五官新组合的标准像。它象征着中国上一百年的历史，或者说是旧民主主义和新民主主义的全部。
　　画的左面，是一个最天真和最聚精会神打麻将的女孩，她为抓了一手好牌而暗中庆幸中间背影的女子，开了一个东风明杠，这象征着当前不可无视的事实--中国在崛起。虽然那女子有些不规矩的小动作。
　　中间正面女子，似乎有些外来血统。他在打牌之余，另有闲心眺望光源，也即将来。他穿着光鲜，脸上有一些忧虑。
　　再就是那个外国女郎了，她也来掺合中国的游戏，信心全无，躺在那里，因为她少抓了一张牌，相公，陪打。
　　右面显然是一个进城打工的农村姑娘，她是使中国掘起的生力军。然而他的脸上有一些不明白，有一些不满意。他手中握着一把亮晃晃的水果刀，这暗示着一种仇富心理，暗画的右边，在破旧的建筑的前方，有一条大河，有一些石头，这象征着前景莫测，是摸着石头过河的现状。
　　这个解读来自加拿大的一张报纸，作者自己也引用来发到网上，但并未承认这个解读。

解读三:
中间女子是美国，背後纹著凤凰的女子是中国，侧面正在认真考虑出什麽牌的亚洲女为日本，另一个躺著的是俄国．中国女子碰了东风并不意味崛起，只是表达”做东”的意思．而俄国女郎也并不是信心全无的”相公”．仔细观察一下她的姿态就会发现，很显然，她是在趁日美不注意，和中国女郎偷换牌．这正是换牌的瞬间，所以她桌上的牌少了一张．
　　而旁边那个拿刀的小女孩，明显发现了这一切．她的视线停留在正准备把牌偷偷塞给俄国女的中国女脸上．美国女人，似乎已从小女孩的表情中发现了什麽……
　　事实上画面裏中、美、俄都在参与作弊，只有日本女孩不知情在暗爽，就是说拍桌上博弈的四方日本才是陪打，牌搭子而已。盆裏的水果意味很明显，当然是代表台湾的地区利益。
台湾之所以一身纯正中国式的装扮，是因为最後的中国传统在台湾。台湾手裏是一把餐刀，这大概是个双关，一是表示不管谁攫取了台湾的利益，台湾都只能乖乖的为之切水果；第二联系到小姑娘的表情，那把餐刀（代表她的防卫能力），就是对她利益最後的一点防御了。
另外，喜欢美国的表情，看著台湾，一副又关心又不知道该怎麽办的样子；而台湾站在一旁冷眼观看，对几个家夥弄鬼看得一清二楚，可自己不在局中，却又什麽都不能说。配合日本妞傻乎乎的认真样子，和中国小妹妹狡黠的背影。加上背景十分阴暗诡异。

解读四:
注意看了下, 中间只露出背影的女孩身上纹的是传统的中国凤凰.但身上所穿的却是西洋蕾丝衣物. 是不是在说明现在的中国是"中学为体,西学为用"？外面的场景应该是暗示台湾海峡，阴云密布暗示紧张形势。
　　台湾女孩不是在盯作弊，她盯的是中国女孩的脸，美国女孩盯著台湾女孩的脸，俄罗斯女孩也在盯著中国；三个人的表情都很有深意。日本女孩只看自己的牌，很投入也很满意。
　　中、美、日、俄之间利益复杂，日本虽然卷了进去但只关心自己的利益。西方一般认为**民国政府是中国民族主义政府。这个解释了台湾的传统肚兜，似乎也在说08年大势还是在民国立场而不是台湾国立场。
美国也没强多少，君不见，她虽然穿了衣服但没穿裤子？！但是她穿得最多!而且她的这种神情似乎也在考虑这局是不是要脱衣服了,因为中国女子在作弊,而俄罗斯已经是陪太子读书,只求不放炮了,打的时间越久,危险越大! 中国却希望通过不正当竞争,争取必胜!
　　日本看样子,是根本不知道裏面的凶险,尽管她好象已经输光了!而且大家应该注意,中国的上下家是日本和俄罗斯,美国只是对家而已!中国只能和日本、俄罗斯发生直接的利益冲突，美国却是隔岸观火，但是也有放炮的可能！
不过,赢家是美国,因为她们的规矩是,谁输了谁就要脱一件衣服!日本可是衣服裤子都没穿输到底了这样，日本已经没有筹码了，如果输了，就彻底退出比赛！赢了，还可以继续留下来！
　　俄罗斯只能自保，输了还能打一场，也就是说还有机会！
　　美国和中国有优势，但是如果是一个输了话，而无论剩下的是哪一位都是最强的了，而输的一方和俄罗斯相比，是同样的档次了！
　　这局可以是最後一局，也可以是新的一局的前奏！

Future

2006-08-23T18:23:00.000-07:00

I really have no idea how many countries in this world apply this kind of foreign investment policy in Malaysia, i.e. 30% local shareholder ruling (click on the news here) . To be honest, it's not attractive to me at all if I were a foreign investor. The government's policy doesn't seem to be competitive or transparent enough when compare to our neighbouring countries like Thailand and Singapore, even worse, the politicians are not even bothered on this issue.

2 of my brothers are now working in Singapore, the other 2 are in Malaysia, while I'm in Europe. I really hope Malaysia will turn out to be a better place to accommodate 5 of us one day. Please convince me this is not a dream.

I Will Offer Up My Life

2006-08-20T07:22:00.000-07:00

This is a very lovely song, with meaningful lyrics which I can relate myself to everytime I sing it. It is so true what is sung in the chorus.
I will try to look for the mp3 of this song and put it here.

God Bless.

~totoro~

I Will Offer Up My Life

Pouring out the oil of love as my worship to You
In surrender I must give my every part
Lord receive the sacrifice of a broken heart

Chorus:
Jesus, what can I give
What can I bring
To so faithful a friend
To so loving a king
Savior, what can be said
What can be sung
As a praise of Your name
For the things You have done
Oh my words could not tell
Not even in part
Of the debt of love that is owed
By this thankful heart

You deserve my every breath for You've paid the great cost
Giving up Your life to death, even death on a cross
You took all my shame away, there defeated my sin
Opened up the gates of Heaven, and have beckoned me in

Jesus, what can I give
What can I bring
To so faithful a friend
To so loving a king
Savior, what can be said
What can be sung
As a praise of Your name
For the things You have done

Jesus, what can I give
What can I bring
To so faithful a friend
To so loving a king
Savior, what can be said
What can be sung
As a praise of Your name
For the things You have done
Oh my words could not tell
Not even in part
Of the debt of love that is owed
Of the debt of love that is owed
Of the debt of love that is owed
By this thankful heart

(this thankful heart)
(this thankful heart)

What can I give
What can I bring
What can I sing as an offering, Lord
(What can I give
What can I give to You, to You)

What can I give
What can I bring
What can I sing as an offering, Lord

What can I give
What can I bring
What can I sing as an offering, Lord

Jigsaw Puzzle

2006-08-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

My PhD is all about finding one piece of missing information in crystal engineering. With this little piece of information, hopefully it will help the scientists in future to predict the habit (shape) of the crystal, to understand the dissolution of the material in wider context and to distinguish each facet of a crystal could exhibit very different thermal stability. In my study, most of them are related to pharmaceutical solids. In my thesis, I'm justifying my work is important and will provide different insight to the world of crystal.

I'm almost coming to the end of this entire research. I have to ask myself some questions. Are all these worth doing for 3 years? Will the money invested in my project (say £40k) be better used in the charity? I bet this could help thousands of people in Africa. Will this missing piece of information revolutionise the field of crystal engineering or pharmaceutical? Is this study really helpful when it came to real process?

May someone use this piece of information one day to fit in the jigsaw puzzle.

Malaysian Designer

2006-08-16T22:47:00.000-07:00

Recently came across with a famous designer called Jimmy Choo. Apparently this guy is a Malaysian Chinese, born in Penang and studied in London College of Fashion. I meant he's a really well known designer who design shoes for numerous Hollywood stars. Previously, I didn't even know he's so famous and even own many shops, one of them located in Knightsbridge. Check his website out here.

It's not easy to become an international class shoe designer, let alone he's a Malaysian Chinese. He must be talented, I mean real talent. Malaysia's newspaper should report this kind of news more often. Perhaps it's only me who's not informative or knowledgable enough.

Cool Guy

2006-08-13T20:34:00.000-07:00

This is the cool guy, my Korean flatmate, whom I mentioned in previous blog before. By the way, his name is Teddy. I hope he doesn't mind I upload one of his exciting photos here.

Having an ambition without any practical action is just a dream. I'm impressed that he has taken up the challenge to travel all the way from France to Korea on this little scooter. He left the house about 4 weeks ago and now he's in Angkara, Turkey. The toughest route I presume is about to begin while he's travelling via Iran, Pakistan and China. I'm hoping to hear from him again when he reaches BeiJing. Finger crossed !!

He hasn't got any sponsors from the companies that we planned before, but this doesn't stop him from achieving his dream. We both agree that financial is not the biggest obstacles. I supposed he's got enough cash with him during the travel. At the end I only manage to sponsor him 50 quid before he left the house. I don't think £50 is a big amount but he did appreciate my thoughts and support. : )

Best of luck, my mate !!!

Updates

2006-08-09T18:05:00.000-07:00

There are many things happening around me/us these days, as I'm not sure whether or not to reveal them in this blog. It's not that I don't trust my reader, I'm just the type of person who like to share things with people once the particular event or matter is confirmed and settled, especially when it's closely related to myself. I'm not saying I will simply reveal other people's secret, afterall I think I'm quite good in keeping secret, or at least a good listener. : )

Perhaps a few of my close friends at church and workplace know about this recent "movements". I've decided to remain secretive on this issue to lure more readers into my blog, since I've not reveal any hint or intention at the beginning of it. Sooner I will provide more information about this issue, I hope, if everything goes well.

In short, I pray that both my girlfriend and I have made the right decision. We seriously hope God will interfere if there's anything happens beyond our control. I have to admit I didn't expect this thing to happen so quickly. Everything seems to be running smoothly at the moment. I take it as "YES, go ahead" from God. Amen

What's Wrong?

2006-08-04T07:48:00.000-07:00

I received an email from my friend in Newcastle this afternoon and she requested me to pray for her safety and peace. Her house was burgled on Wednesday's evening. Apparently both she and her friend's laptop got stolen. Luckily there was no injury involved.

2 levels above my working place got broken in last night around 9pm. I'm not sure whether there were any valuables missing. Apparently the thief avoid the card swiping system by smashing the door glass.

From my friend's blog, I learnt that his brother got robbed recently and was pushed into a ditch. He was then sent to the clinic to get the stiches treating. Well, this case happened in Malaysia.

You know what, I found there's absolutely no interesting local news in the SinChew's website (Chinese Newspaper in Malaysia), apart from those crime reports and a few minor political issues. It's either there were too much crime cases to report back in Malaysia, or this newspaper hasn't being informative at all regarding news of technology, government's policy, construction programme etc etc. I'm really sick of those reports about murdered, raped, suicide, robbery, gang fight in school, fraud etc etc. Come on, give me a break, what's wrong with the security and safety in Malaysia?

Perhaps is just not Malaysia, even England or the rest of the world aint very safe. Damn, the world is dooming...

Charles Darwin -- A Creationist ?

2006-08-02T17:13:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the internet and technology, now you don't need to travel all the way to British Library to read one of the world greatest piece of theses from Charles Darwin --- "The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection". You can easily find this writing on the web here.

There are 2 paragraphs that he wrote in the last chapter(Chapter 14) of his thesis. I'm quoting directly from the original text, I hope:

488 CONCLUSION. CHAP. XIV.
Authors of the highest eminence seem to be fully satisfied with the view that each species has been independently created. To my mind it accords better with what we know of the laws impressed on matter by the Creator, that the production and extinction of the past and present inhabitants of the world should have been due to secondary causes, like those determining the birth and death of the individual. When I view all beings not as special creations, but as the lineal descendants of some few beings which lived long before the first bed of the Silurian system was deposited, they seem to me to become ennobled.

490 CONCLUSION. CHAP. XIV.
Thus, from the war of nature, from famine and death, the most exalted object which we are capable of conceiving, namely, the production of the higher animals, directly follows. There is grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers, having been originally breathed into a few forms or into one; and that, whilst this planet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of gravity, from so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being, evolved.

If Darwin were to write "have been originally breathed by the Creator into a few forms or into one", we can definitely conclude that Darwin remained a Creationist, despite all his hardwork and development of his theory. Isn't that idea similiar to Genesis 2:7, when Adam was breathed into his nostrils the breath of life? Hey, had Darwin forgotten to put his reference, or he deliberately pharsed that sentence?

Are we convinced that in the last passage Darwin clearly stated that God created one or a few basic forms of life, and from those we observe what have been evolved today?

I have to agree with the scholar's opinion, "Darwin found this view more beautiful than that which he and most other people previously held (that God created everything and that it still is as he created it, without change). The idea that life has no limits and that life will continue to evolve into wonderful creations is indeed an amazing and awe-inspiring thought."

Have we misunderstood Darwin's thoughts and killed God without further reasoning?

Fellowship Poster

2006-08-01T14:16:00.000-07:00

Attached is the Fellowship's poster that we are going to send to Chinese Churches Overseas for publicity purpose. I believe there are loads of Chinese students from Malaysia, China, Hong Kong and Singapore coming to study abroad in London around September.

I hope this poster will draw this group of youth's attention. May they treat King's Cross Fellowship as their spiritual home during their stay in London.

Motor Show

2006-07-29T12:49:00.000-07:00

Went to the British International Motor Show yesterday at Excel London with 3 friends. It's a huge and great exhibition I should say, also the scale is comparable to any world class car exhibition (as though I've been to many :p). Well, at least it's bigger than the one I attended 5 years ago in Birmingham International Arena.

Most of the major car exhibitors that you can think of, all the latest model and porschest cars that you can name were there.

You know sometimes attending this kind of car show can really make you feel bad. I felt so tiny in this world of capitalism, and it really makes you dream to be one of those capitalists. This can probably stimulate ones to work harder in their career to a certain extent.

Lesson that I get from this motor show, dissatisfaction can make someone strive harder in general (assuming the moral of motive is neutral)

Funny Video

2006-07-27T19:29:00.000-07:00

Homesick II

2006-07-22T17:24:00.000-07:00

I called home just now. Only realised today is my beloved nephew's birthday. He's 3 years old today if I'm not mistaken. My niece's birthday should be around the corner as well. They were born around July and August in 2003.

Apparently they are having a mini party at my eldest brother's house. Basically all my close relatives were invited to the pot-luck dinner. 2 of my brothers were back from Singapore to attend this mini gathering. Everyone (including the babies) seemed enjoying themselves very much when I called them. Sigh, make me feel like going home to enjoy the warmth and atmosphere. Sometimes I would rather give up everything here and start all over again back in Msia. Well, I suppose life is just about gaining and losing.

The last time when I gathered with 4 of my elder brothers was exactly one year ago, that was when my dad passed away on 14th July last year. Time really flies, thank God for comforting my family (especially my mum) for the past 12 months. I'm glad to hear the joy, cheer and laughters from back home again. At the same time, I pray for peace and salvation unto them.

So when I can meet with all my brothers and family again? Would it be this coming Chinese New Year? I hope my new boss gonna let me go home, oh please !!

10 Things

2006-07-11T18:33:00.000-07:00

10 things that I want to do before I die (sequence doesn't represent priority):

(1) Write a good book that relates to Christianity
(2) Study in depth about the topic of Predestination & Freewill --- I want to be the expert in this field.
(3) Build my own house in Malaysia
(4) Participate in the United Nation Missionary or some kind of missionary
(5) Help my beloved one to own/run a cake shop (don't ask me why she wants to do this)
(6) Attend my son/daughter's graduation ceremony (well, if I'm a daddy)
(7) Own a small boat so that I can go fishing whenever I want
(8) No financial debt at all when I die
(9) Travel to the moon, if there's any conventional space travelling trip
(10) ....... (I will fill in this when I'm about to die, so that someone could help me to fulfill it)

Persistence or Stubborness

2006-07-07T14:32:00.000-07:00

Many times, I persist according to my personal experience, I have never given someone a chance to change.

Many times, I persist in my point of view, I argue with my beloved one.

Many times, I persist in my standpoint, I become an unlikeable person to my good friends.

Many times, I persist in my faith, it turn out to be accused as blind faith without any scientific proof.

Many times, I persist in my dreams, and eventually I found myself lost in direction while achieving it.

Many times, I persist in my persistence, I found out that it was just stubborness.

Don't Give Up

2006-07-04T16:11:00.000-07:00

I have a Korean flatmate who is studying English at the language school in London. He also studied Mandarin before in Bei-Jing for 2 years in 2003. He started from not able to speak an English sentence, and now he's able to make conversation with British in 6 months time. In addtion, I think he's an adventurous, funny, ambitious and energetic person.

Occasionally he showed me some of the photos he took while he was travelling around UK on his bicycle in April. He cycled alone from London all the way to Edinburgh, slept on the pavements, under the bridge, train station and sometimes hostel. He also cycles to Oxford or Cambridge and outer London for sightseeing. Personally, I quite admire and respect this kind of people who have the gut to do this adventurous stuff.

Soon he's going back to Korea to serve the mandatory military service for 26 months. He shared his grief with me on this issue and we both agree we should strive hard to achieve our dream when we are still young. He has decided to do something extraordinary this summer --- travel on a scooter from London back to Korea via Europe, Turkey, Iran, Pakistan, China.

I felt excited too when I heard this, although both of us know there are many obstacles lying ahead, in terms of financial, logistic and most importantly the security problem. Last night, we both worked on some sponsorship leaftlets. He was thinking to get some sponsors from company such as Honda, Canon, Shell etc etc to provide him some financial aid. I got a feeling it's not easy to get this but at least he is trying all the possibilities that exist.

Frankly, I have this urge to sponsor him a few hundred pounds if he gets nothing out of the sponsors. I see no reason to stop an ambitious youth like him to do great things for himself, coz I used to have this dream when I was young too. I would have joined him if this were 5 years ago.

Perhaps I should sponsor him to get the travel insurance, and pray for him.... : )

Did I Marry The Right Person?

2006-06-29T15:49:00.000-07:00

Got this forwarded email from my friend. I'm not married yet, so I don't have the authority to judge whether the author's view is right or the opposite. But the philosphy looks right to me, most importantly I think is quite biblical. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said,"How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.

You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive
you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfilment.

Extramarital fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

World Cup or Gold Cup?

2006-06-28T19:00:00.000-07:00

Haven't been writing much these days, coz I can't really find some spare time. Well, World Cup is one of the issues that has consumed all my spare time. I noticed football can sometimes be very addictive. When I was young, I used to wonder why the adults can sit in front of the TV for 90 to 120 mins and watch 22 men fighting for a bloody ball. The most horrendous thing is that this activity catches millions of spectators each time, not to mention World Cup. For this reason, I once hated football very much and decided not to involve in this sports at all. I now realise that I've made a big mistake.

I started to touch football when I was in high school -- the only Sports that can involve more than 20 people and in fact, it's really fun !! Many peers talked about basketball or badminton during their junior high school period, but then switched the topic to football once they got to senior level. I can't explain why, it's just the trend. Sports betting might be one of the reasons why football gets more popular at older age during our days. I can imagine the betting atmosphere in my high school during this season. I hope they will learn a lesson at their young age, like me : ) (Well, I wasn't as bad as you think, coz I'm a quick learner)

Until now, I start to fully embrace football. Watching football can be very entertaining if you have the right attitude. On the other hand, football can wipe out ones entire life once gambling is involved.

Thanksgiving

2006-06-27T12:23:00.000-07:00

The recent philanthropical movements of the 2 world richest man Billy Gates and Warren Buffett have been headlining the media for the past few weeks.

Bill Gates has decided to leave his full time role in Microsoft by July 2008 and focus on the charity work with his wife on Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation (currently foundation by assets worth about $28.7 billion). While Warren Buffett has decided to work on giving his bulk fortune to the charity. He's planning to give away 5/6 of the shares that worth $37 billion, starting off the donation this year that worth $1.5 billion.

To be honest, I appreciate their thoughts and efforts, most importantly the role that they are playing in this materialistic world. However, can the total amount 60 billion tackle the world most notorious problems like poverty, HIV, malaria, tuberculosis etc.

Unless everyone returns to the bible, Luke 12:48:

From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

因为多给谁，就向谁多取；多托谁，就向谁多要。

Song Writing Competition

2006-06-20T18:14:00.000-07:00

Writing a thesis is never easy. I still have a lot to go. Currently writing my Methodology, determination and perseverance are the key, i know.

The junior youth has decided to put forward their song "I Will Sing For You" to the London Methodist District Song Writing Competition. If they win (which I think is quite likely), this song will be circulated within the London Methodist church.

To be honest, intially I myself am not very keen about this competition. Until the praise team has decided to go for it, I really want them to try their best and do the recording with all their hearts. Let God who decide whether they can win or not. I will do all my best to coordinate this time.

Staying Competitive

2006-06-16T12:05:00.000-07:00

I hate the feeling of having the obligation to work hard in order to stay competitive, whether is in sports, academics or careers. Somehow throughout my academics life, I have been working very hard to achieve what I want, before I came to know Christ.

Starting from primary school, I was sent to a so called "famous school" that teaches from 8am to 5pm. This school is about 45 mins driving distance from where I reside, whereas during those days, most of the kids study in the school around their local area. In general, most of them study from 8am to 1pm. What's so "special" about my primary school is they teach additional Maths, English (both Singapore syllabus)and Malay. Honestly, the teaching quality was up to there, but at that age I didn't really treasure the opportunity to learn. In fact, I turned out to be a sportsman in badminton, basketball and tabletennis. I was very competitive at that time and was one of the best players amongst.

During my high school, again my parents decided to send me to a repute school, a school that is well known for its tough exams, solid foundation of Maths and Science, strict discipline and the best teachers. In my opinion, you ought to work very very hard in order to stay competitive in this school, coz you will be treated the best quality of teaching if only you could get through the top class. Growing up in this environment, I have nurtured the skill to work diligently, efficiently and independently, having said that I did really enjoy my school-hood very much.

I then came to England to do my first degree and now postgraduate studies. Thank God for all these golden opportunities. These are the dreams of many I have to say. I seriously don't think I'm more distinctive than any of my peers back home. I finally understand the meaning of "By Grace".

Ever since I came to Christ and understand the real meaning or purpose of life, I have a very different point of view in "Staying Competitive". I didn't manage to get the best results I want during my undergraduates, nor I don't think I'm very outstanding in my current research. Even until now I think I have loads of flaw in my research, but I just can't be bothered to fix them. There's something wrong in my theological concept I think, coz I'm loosing steam more easily than before, many secular results and achievements seem not very important to me. I don't really care whether I'm competitive enough to stay in the academics.

Perhaps I'm not doing what I really enjoy doing. But who enjoys working hard since the age of 8, sometimes you just have to do it eventhough you don't really enjoy. Is this not the philosophy?

Shall I keep staying competitive in the secular like before? Can I choose to stay faithful with my believe at the same time?

Surviving

2006-06-14T13:57:00.000-07:00

In my opinion, today's weather is getting better, indeed is considered perfect weather for me, not too hot and not too cold. Recently the warm weather does bother me a lot because my office is not air conditioned, the heat can sometimes drive me crazy.

I really don't understand why I'm still having runny nose on this lovely weather. I'm wondering if this is the flu, or even worse, could it be a nose cancer? Well, I think I can't feel any lump in my neck, hopefully is not something worse than the flu or hayfever. My nose blockage is seriously affecting my work progress. I feel so sleepy in the afternoon and can't concentrate on the readings.

I need to be determine and fight with the weaknesses in my flesh. Go away Satan !!!

Happy Summer

2006-06-08T16:31:00.000-07:00

I had very sensitive nose when I was in high school. Little dust or airborne particle will make me sneeze for minutes. I still remember I often have running nose when I woke up in the morning, as soon as I get out from my air conditioned bedroom. It usually took me some time to get back to normal.

I came to England 5 years ago. I have never suffer from serious runny nose since then apart from when I'm infected by flu virus. Indeed, the weather and quality of air in my hometown do make me feel very sick and uneasy. The moist and warm atmosphere, plus the mosquitoes are always attracted to my flesh for some reasons --- these are the main reasons why I hate to live in Malaysia.

For this reason, I hope you can understand why I love the weather in England so much. I don't really mind if it's -10 degreeC, nor the dull and drizzling day, as long as I don't sweat and feel uncomfortable.

I can foresee myself suffering from the heat in this summer, at the same time I'm enduring with this stupid hayfever symptoms. I hate summer in London, weird huh? What to do, it makes me feel sick.

Hayfever

2006-06-06T20:43:00.000-07:00

Am suffering from Hayfever these days. My experience last year was really bad, itching and running nose, tearing eyes and sleepless nights, you name it I had it last year.

Heard from some friends that once you got hayfever, it will last for the rest of your life during summer when there are plenty of pollens. But my opinion is as long as ones immune system is well, hayfever will sooner vanish, which means my current immune response is not too ideal.

Seriously have to take care of my health these days, coz I don't want to take medication to stop the symptoms.

Old Testaments

2006-06-04T04:11:00.000-07:00

Saturday's fellowship was good, it was the Bible Study(1) on Old Testaments led by Rev Ho. It made me feel guilty and ashame of my shallow knowledge on the history of Old Testaments. I thought King David appears before Samuel ..aiih..what a shame !!

I have decided to study the Old Testaments again this time, in fact I have to admit that I have never finished the entire book before. I'm going to build the Bible World History Timeline myself this time, in comparison to the world events and history in China, India, Mesopotamia and the Jews..whooaaa, what an ambitious plan and dream !! Anyway, hope God can give me strength, wisdom and most importantly the determination for me to carry on this "project". There are currently many timeline available in the internet, but I hope to generate one for own interest. It takes probably years to comprehend and memorise the entire biblical world history, of course it depends on how far I want to go.

Think about it, I don't want to be a historian, I just want to understand the Kingdom and Sovereignty of God in a wider context. Nevertheless, my thesis has to be the priority. :p

Business Secret

2006-06-01T13:56:00.000-07:00

Wahahha..i'm gonna reveal a business secret to everyone, hope my supervisor is not going to see this.

Let me give you a rough background of the concept of science behind this. The amount of water vapour in the air at a given time is usually less than that required to saturate the air. The Relative Humidity (RH) is the percent of saturation humidity, generally calculated in relation to the saturated vapour density. In short, RH = (actual vapour density)/ (saturated vapour density) * 100%.

Daily application of RH includes weather forecasting, adsorption, thermodynamics characterisation and prediciting the rheological properties of solid substance (ranging from food, pharmaceutical to catalyst industry).

My supervisor is the first person who commercialise (not sure whether he's the first who invented) this equipment called Dynamic Vapour Sorption (DVS). What this machine does is to generate an accurate amount of Relative Humidity in a microscale basis in a close system.

For example if you want to generate a RH of 30%, the machine will allow a 70volume/min of dry air to mix with a 30volume/min of water vapour. RH ranging from 0% to 99% can be obtained using the same principle. With this information, the Adsorption Isotherms (same temperature) of a substance can be studied thoroughly (believe me, they are very useful information). Below is the typical adsorption plot of a substance (Langmuir isotherm red and BET green)

However, current technology has limitation on controlling the RH at below 5% (called Henry Isotherm region). Many physicalchemists are very interested on the adsorption behaviour of different solids under the Henry's Region. There are still a lot of mysterious properties of a solid at this region which we believe is very useful information for the formulation studies.

So, if you could think of a way to generate a low RH from 0.1 to 5% and the method can be controlled steadily, I bet you have just made a big contribution to the industry plus thousands of dollars return profit.

The Power of Your Love

2006-05-30T11:21:00.000-07:00

I came across a forwarded email about this guy from Melbourne (Australia) called Nick Vujicic. AS shown in the pictures, he was born without limbs from a Christian family (his dad is a pastor) back in 1982.

"Consider it pure joy, my Brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds. Because you know that the testing of your faith develop perseverance" (James 1:2-3)

It's always easy to take the bible literally when the challenges and obstacles were mentioned, but it's always hard for us to have the "real faith" in Jesus when God really allows all sorts of misfortune to happen on us. Praise God that Nick and his family decided to confront with this lifetime obstacles and turn everyday from "Without Limbs" to "Without Limits" --- Life is never alone when walking with Jesus, he quoted.

He's now travelling to various places to preach to the youths, sharing his testimonials to the disabled and often bring God's love to the poor.

See more of his testimonials here.

World Tour

2006-05-23T14:15:00.000-07:00

create your own visited countries map

The area shaded in red are the countries that I've been to so far. Well, I think I chose my word very carefully. These are the "countries" that I've visited, not "places". For instance, I only been to Hong Kong and Guang Zhou, but apparently that represents the entire China is shaded. hahhaha. Also, I have only been to Utah, Maryland, Tennessee and Washington DC in USA.

So say if you've been to places like Russia, Australia, China, USA and Canada, I bet you could have covered more than half of the map above.

Hmm...didn't realise that I have actually visited 14 countries so far, out of approximately 194 countries in the world today, it's equivalent to 7.2%.

I hope I can cover at least 70% of the world before I die. : )

I Will Sing For You

2006-05-22T20:42:00.000-07:00

This is a lovely piece of song, created by the Praise Team, of course with the help of our beloved brother Dan Quan(a very gifted and professional composer)

This song is still at very preliminary stage, we are hoping to make a full record, if God allows.

There is also the London Methodist District Song Writing Competition, not sure whether we are putting this song into the competition. Again, we have to pray for this.

Praise team might have to stop their practising after this coming June, if I still can't find someone suitable to lead them. I pray that this song does not symbolise the end of the junior youth ministry, but the beginning.....

Please God, let them sing for you. Amen

A Letter to My Ex-Schoolmates

2006-05-21T23:24:00.000-07:00

I've been keeping in touch with some of my secondary schoolmates recently and learnt that many bad news were happening around them, back in Malaysia or Singapore. On the other hand, I also feel joyful when I realised some of my friends are converted to Christianity a few years ago. I've decided to form a prayer chain within my Christian schoolmates and this is what I wrote to them (although now I feel I have overeacted, I hope I've done the right thing):

Dear Buddies,

First of all, this is not a junk mail. This is an email from your “long lost friend” --- This is Choon Ming, your secondary school mate!!! As if anyone of you could remember. : )

A brief update from myself, I’m currently doing my final year PhD in Chemical Engineering in Imperial College London in England and hope to finish everything by end of this year. Let me get back to the main issue that I want to address.

I have absolutely no idea what are you guys and gals up to at this moment, which part of the world you are in and what are you busy confronting with. However, you must have found one thing we all have in common, I hope --- our belief.

I was curious and came across with this fact that out of 57 names in our 4s1 yahoo’s address list, only 9 of us here are saved in the name of Christ, which is equivalent to 15.8%. I was also having this conservation with Siew Wai a while ago and we had nice sharing on our belief. We finally realise there are many sad things happening around our beloved chonghwarian classmates:

(1) Many of them are now professionals back in KL or Singapore. However, they live in a rat-race working life style without realising the purpose of life. Paying mortgage, study loan or debts seem to be the only concern and success is only judged by numbers in the bank account.

(2) We share the joy that some of the couples got married recently, on the other hand, some of them are facing serious relationship problem, some of them got hurt and wasn’t ready to get up again.

(3) Holiness – I think this is the main issue to be honest. Premarital sex with partners, cohabiting issue and probably adulteries don’t only headline the media, but these are seriously happening on our beloved close friends. The outcome of these issues is disastrous and often agonizing.

I hope we can all pray for them (whether or not you know the individuals) for the above issues. We pray that they will soon realise the only way, the truth and the life. We pray that one day they will be set free, we pray that one day they will receive the salvation, with the mercy of God. We pray that they will come to Christ soon.

This might sound like a ridiculous email to you. But deep in my heart, I think we should pray desperately for them. I seriously share the compassion of Apostle Paul:

Roman 1: 14-17
I am obligated both to Greeks and non-Greeks, both to the wise and the foolish. That is why I am so eager to preach the gospel also to you who are at Rome. I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith."

I’m not sure whether I should use we are “obligated” to them. What I know is I once was lost, but now am found. If God hasn’t given up on person like me, why should we give up on them?

Let’s pray for them, the least thing that we can do.

Hope everyone is well.

God bless,
Ming

Response to the Da Vinci Code

2006-05-20T11:19:00.000-07:00

I met many friends that enjoyed reading the Da Vinci Code, no doubt many of them (non-Christian) do believe and convinced by the facts in this book of Fiction. Over 80% of them have never touch or read a single verse from the bible before, that explains why they were so easily diverted and affected. What C.S. Lewis (my beloved Christian writer) said is very true:

"A person who cease to believe in God does not believe in nothing; he believe in everything." ---- Clive Staples Lewis

I visited my good friend's (Chee) blog and got a link that I wish to share with everyone. It's the Response to the Da Vinci Code, preached by Rev Niky Gumbel. It's the most comprehensive and biblical sermon regarding on this book that I've come across. I bought his cassette for £3.50 last summer and now it's available on the internet. Great !!

2 Timothy 4:1-5

In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.

提摩太後書 4:1-5

1 我在神面前，并在将来审判活人死人的基督耶稣面前，凭着他的显现和他的国度嘱咐你：
2 务要传道，无论得时不得时，总要专心；并用百般的忍耐，各样的教训，责备人、警戒人、劝勉人。
3 因为时候要到，人必厌烦纯正的道理，耳朵发痒，就随从自己的情欲，增添好些师傅，
4 并且掩耳不听真道，偏向荒渺的言语。
5 你却要凡事谨慎，忍受苦难，做传道的工夫，尽你的职分。

Our own desires, itching ears, great number of teachers ---- indeed these are the real issues that we are confronting, day in day out basis. We write a lot in our blog, read a lot from newspaper or journal, listen a lot to opinions, but we are never close to the "truth".

It's time to get yourself a bible --- a book that has sold 6 billion copies in contrast to 44 million copies; a book that has eternal value (unofficially highest impact factor ever I dare to say) compare to a book that will be forgotten (who the hell care about the "Holy Grail and Holy Blood" if Dan Brown hasn't copied it).

I also found some websites that defend the Christian faith against this book, they are in Mandarin and English.

Friday Night

2006-05-12T19:35:00.000-07:00

Was supposed to join my badminton teammates for the last social activity --- dinner + karaoke in China Town. I didnt join them coz I thought I could stay in the uni and work longer. My experiment requires high manual intervention and I can only generate 2 sets of results at max per day. Actually I should have joined them, got a feeling I can't do much today, working overtime does psycologically make me feel I've worked hard enough, the overall efficiency is always the same, well at least for me.

My supervisor has agreed to let me go on October, which is a good news. This also means that I have to finish at least all my experiments by then and done part of my thesis. 5 more months to go, wish me luck !! I don't fancy working plus writing when I'm in Holland.

I can foresee myself to be super-duper busy for the rest of the summer period. At the same time, I feel like going back to Malaysia for holiday, kinda miss my family --- a very good reason for me to take a break.

Focus on the Cross

2006-05-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

Please click on the picture above to see the optics effects, and follow the instuction below:

(1) Focus on the "positive" sign in the center of the image.

(2) You will notice that the circle of violet circles disapper completely and become a single green spot.

Lesson:

In life, if we focus on the Christ's Cross, the multitude of dizzying problems around us disappear and are reduced to that of which we can manage ... one at a time.

Shame !!

2006-05-05T14:30:00.000-07:00

Haiii...I was following the news and just noticed that Malaysia was defeated by Denmark in the Thomas Cup Badminton Tournament semifinals, despite the fact that many experts had predicted that Malaysia stand a very good chance to win the tournament this year. The reality is they can't even get into final. What a shame !!

In my opinion, Malaysia have the best players in the squad so far since we last won the cup in 1992. I myself have the "faith" that they will out perform this year as well. On the other hand, I was also shocked by the achievements of Denmark in 2005. They were the World no. 2 and 3 in men singles, World no. 1 and 3 in men doubles. However, they have always been very low profile during the entire tournament, perhaps is because they were 7 times Runner-Up but never win the title before since 1949.

The media has been focusing on China to win the title this year. I was looking forward to see the opposite, coz I believe Denmark has put a lot of efforts in training their sportsmen in this totally different Western environment.

The thing is I don't really understand why Malaysia always seem to have many great opportunities in achieving outstanding results, but many times they were screwed up. Something is missing in this system, particularly in both Sports and Academics area.

Is it the culture or the attitude problem, the lack of perseverance or we have always been boasting to one another? I have to be frank, I was never impressed by the attitude nor testimony of many great sportspersons in Malaysia. Something has to be done to rediscover the reputation of "Malaysia Boleh".

I'm glad I have not chosen the route to be a sportsperson, coz I might be worse. : )

Time To Go

2006-05-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

I was following the results of the local elections in England yesterday night. The main winners were the Tories, Labour came third in the polls, losing about 200 seats to the Conservatives.

It's considered a Good Friday to the Conservatives, in contrast to the Labour that had suffered a Black Wednesday last week, when all 3 of his righ-handed person were facing vital political crisis.

Tony Blair has no choice but to reshuffle the Cabinet after the party suffered from yesterday local poll losses. I particularly like a quote from the Former Health Secretary Frank Dobson: "A reshuffle would be like rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic" --- indeed, Labour is sinking.

I have recently started to be keen on the politics in Britain. Tony Blair is no doubt a very talented and debative speaker. I seriously admired his debating and defending skills when confronting with various crisis at the House of Common meeting. Afterall, what British needs is a wise and realistic leader that will improve on Education system, tackle social problem and security issue and the enhancement of NHS together with pension issue.

I'm sick of recent "statistical" style of debate, at the same time pointing finger at the failure of previous government before 1997 to show the significance of improvements. All these do not mean that current situation has reached the satisfaction level of the public.

Perhaps it's time to go Mr Blair...

Still, I admire the transparency of British politics when compare to my home country.

However, I'm embraced and love to be a Malaysian.

Book of Century

2006-05-02T17:43:00.000-07:00

You are browsing at one of the most famous Signal Processing handbook in the next 50 years that contains the essence of complex algorithms in the Communication World. Published by a talented PhD student (Su-Lee Goh) from Imperial College London at the age of 26, she also received "Best Student" awards and numerous compliments from her publications and conferences in Europe and North America. More descriptions of this book can be seen here.

What are you waiting for if you want to stand in front of the technology edge, get the book now !!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whoooaaa..I think I have over-market or embrace the author and the book. Just thought of publishing her thesis for fun actually. If you really want to get a copy of this book, just leave your email in the comment, I will send you a softcopy. :p

I'm currently thinking of some marketing strategies. How on earth can a fiction book like "The da Vinci Code" be the bestsellers (sold 40 millions copies in 44 languages, and upcoming Hollywood Blockbusters), at the same time claiming the uncovering of the conspiracy of Catholic church with all sorts of crappy nonsense but self-declared them as well research "facts".

Is it not all about marketing and how to impose a huge impact causing public awareness? How can I bring this book "COMPLEX VALUED NONLINEAR NEURAL ADAPTIVE FILTERS" to the press and make it well known to everyone, when nobody cares about how the ideas were evolved but treat it as "outstanding", "novel" or even "miraculous".

The world is getting more and more ridiculous and insane, indeed ---- gospel of Judas is the next issue...aiii...

Verse of the Day

2006-05-01T04:13:00.000-07:00

I like today's Verse of the Day:

Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. (Hebrew 11:6)

Bible says "impossible", does impossible mean 0% of success or a low probability? In God's eyes, many things seem very digitally decided, either 0 or 1.

Either you are saved or condemned, either hell or heaven, either justified or sinner, either with God or with Satan.

Postcard

2006-04-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

Waahahahah..yes, indeed, I'm going to create a postcard like this. Would you like to buy one, or would you like to receive a postcard like that??

You know what, this postcard's gonna be priceless in future, coz we are getting famous and popular..wahahahha...

Have a nice weekend..

Heaven or Earth?

2006-04-26T17:11:00.000-07:00

These are 2 of the photos (I've got plenty more nice photos) from the trip to Switzerland during the easter break. We went to a mountain peak called "Jungfraujoch" at Interlaken, Switzerland.

I couldn't describe how marvellous the scenery was, but the photos speak for itself. I would highly recommend Jungfraujoch as one of the must-go tourist spot --- the opportunity to enjoy the pride of being "Top of Europe". No hiking or climbing involved, you will be amazed by how the Switzerland's railway technology can bring you there.

"When someone looks at the sky and says there's no God, I don't know what have happened to them." ---- Abraham Lincoln.

Struggling with sins

2006-04-26T00:20:00.000-07:00

I have started reading the old testament a few weeks ago, currently in the chapter Joshua. One of the thing that strikes me the most is how strict God is when it comes to the issue of sin and the punishments that goes with it, that, I find it really hard to grasp. I may be reading the scriptures in a very different (wrong) perspective, because I didn't truly understand who God really is. I am still confuse/or more of a surprise when I read the old testament. Maybe because I thought I know God well from the new testament. I felt God's great anger and deep dissapoinment each time His people sinned. Although I understood the punishments given, everything seems very bloody and deep down in my heart I felt fear. Hai.. I really don't want to feel that way. I have been trying to think very hard...quite foolish also because the answer is not there by thinking hard....
In the past, people sinned although God was right infront of their eyes...and what yet we are now living in this period. We need so much faith and repentence.
This topic is still a struggling to me. I hope oneday I will fully understand.

Below is a scripture I read while I was browsing the Bible.

~totoro~

Ezra 9

5 Then, at the evening sacrifice, I rose from my self-abasement, with my tunic and cloak torn, and fell on my knees with my hands spread out to the LORD my God 6 and prayed:
"O my God, I am too ashamed and disgraced to lift up my face to you, my God, because our sins are higher than our heads and our guilt has reached to the heavens. 7 From the days of our forefathers until now, our guilt has been great. Because of our sins, we and our kings and our priests have been subjected to the sword and captivity, to pillage and humiliation at the hand of foreign kings, as it is today.

8 "But now, for a brief moment, the LORD our God has been gracious in leaving us a remnant and giving us a firm place in his sanctuary, and so our God gives light to our eyes and a little relief in our bondage. 9 Though we are slaves, our God has not deserted us in our bondage. He has shown us kindness in the sight of the kings of Persia: He has granted us new life to rebuild the house of our God and repair its ruins, and he has given us a wall of protection in Judah and Jerusalem.

10 "But now, O our God, what can we say after this? For we have disregarded the commands 11 you gave through your servants the prophets when you said: 'The land you are entering to possess is a land polluted by the corruption of its peoples. By their detestable practices they have filled it with their impurity from one end to the other. 12 Therefore, do not give your daughters in marriage to their sons or take their daughters for your sons. Do not seek a treaty of friendship with them at any time, that you may be strong and eat the good things of the land and leave it to your children as an everlasting inheritance.'

13 "What has happened to us is a result of our evil deeds and our great guilt, and yet, our God, you have punished us less than our sins have deserved and have given us a remnant like this. 14 Shall we again break your commands and intermarry with the peoples who commit such detestable practices? Would you not be angry enough with us to destroy us, leaving us no remnant or survivor? 15 O LORD, God of Israel, you are righteous! We are left this day as a remnant. Here we are before you in our guilt, though because of it not one of us can stand in your presence."

Meaning of Life

2006-04-24T21:27:00.000-07:00

Normally I have lunch and teassss with a few of my Chinese colleagues (majority from mainland China). They are considered some of my best friends in Imperial College, playing an important role in my PhD's life. Our daily conversation involves various topics ranging from "potential" business idea, politics, science, philosophy, leisure, career options and religion.

As usual, we talked about the meaning of life this afternoon. Seriously, I myself struggle on the same question: What are the things that God want me to do apart from the routine career that only provide daily necessity and self-satisfaction?

Apparently, their thinking didn't involve God the creator --- we end up settling on a conclusion: We want to mobilise and reform the society (well, at least contribute something to the community), what an ambitious plan !! I believe all of us have very different motives and background understanding when it comes to "reforming the society". After all, is that all we want?

Deep in our heart, there's this "infinity" void for our need and desire. Only the eternal and infinite God can fill this gap.
約翰福音 (John) 14: 6 耶稣说我就是道路、真理、生命；若不藉着我，没有人能到父那里去.

I pray that one day my colleagues will turn to Christ --- they are on their way, coz there's no other route when we come to the "meaning of life".

Helpless

2006-04-23T21:17:00.000-07:00

Just received a call from SuLee that she's very ill in Holland now. Feel quite helpless coz i seriously have no idea what I can do here in London. Apparently she's all by herself in a non English speaking country when anything happens --- glad, joy, sorrow, disappointment, sick, loneliness, all of these I can't really walk with her in person.

I think I've owed a lot to Alexander Graham Bell, the telephone inventor. Thank God for this great invention.

My girlfriend said she couldn't find any medicine at home and apparently all the shops are closed on Sunday. She had to knock on neighbour's door to borrow some medicine. She ended up using basic Dutch conversation to communicate with an old Dutch man who doesn't understand English.

Haiii..perseverance, i know. Need to get many things sorted out in London at the same time, before I started a new life in Holland.

Two Books

2006-04-20T13:25:00.000-07:00

Yaayy..I've bought 2 books of J.I.Packer from the internet. Really looking forward to get these books sometime next week. I only manage to read the first two chapters of the "Evangelism & the Sovereignty of God" while I was flying to Switzerland (unfortunately my girlfriend has to return the book in Holland). Was seriously impressed and stimulated by the way of Packer's thinking. So far I'm convinced by his point of view regarding the sophisticated and controversial topic on evangelism and god's sovereignty.

If God is in control of everything, does that mean that Christian can sit back and no to bother to evangelise? Or does active evangelism imply that God is not really sovereign at all? Is there a compromise point of view and if so what's the balance?

I hope I can learn and understand in depth about this topic before I can convince others that bible has the ultimate authority when it comes to death and life. Please help me God.

Spring Camp Highlights

2006-04-20T11:45:00.000-07:00

Chinese Methodist Mission Spring Conference 2006
Junior Youth Group - 8 mins Highlights

Easter Break

2006-04-18T17:18:00.000-07:00

So many wonderful things had happened within the past 10 days. I think I've spent my Easter holiday very wisely this year, and most importantly superbly meaningful one. Starting from 11th April the 4-day Spring Camp, then followed by the 4-day marvellous snow moutain excursion to Switzerland, together with my beloved girlfriend and eldest brother.

Sent Sulee back to Holland at Heathrow Airport and just got back to London at 5pm. Feeling really tired now. Haven't got time to recover from the Spring Camp, and then followed by this trip that involved plenty physical activities. Have to rest well tonight.

There are many lining-up things that need to be sorted out in my mind now. Have to get back to my work and seriously think about writing up my PhD thesis --- the first thing that I need to do tomorrow morning.

Dear God, please grant me wisdom and strength, to complete whatever you think is beneficial to others and myself, in the name of Christ. Amen.

Spring Camp

2006-04-07T15:49:00.000-07:00

5 more days to go for Spring Camp. To be frank, there are still many things to be decided on the junior youth part. Hopefully we can finalise many things at tonight's final meeting.

I'm not sure whether the youth will enjoy throughout the entire camp, but I'm certainly sure God will utilise this channel to talk to some of the youth, perhaps even us who spend some effort organising this.

This group of so called "BBC" (British-borned-Chinese, majority Cantonese speaking) is probably the last batch of oversea Chinese immigrants to England since 1997, considered the one-off group of Chinese from Hong Kong. In 10 years time, with God's grace, presumably they will become a group of energetic intellectual youth. If you are serious about the revival of Chinese Christian in England, they are the group of people that you should target or "invest" in long term.

On the other hand, recent trend of Chinese immigrants has shifted to Chinese from mainland China, although at the same time the economy in China is booming. Naturally, the majority of participants for the Spring Camp will be Mandarin speaking in 5 to 10 years time. The family cycle goes on and their children will turn to junior youth in 10 years time and we have to change our evangelical strategy again.

Working with God is always challenging, anytime anywhere.

The World's Most Expensive Coffee is From Beans Cycled Through an Indonesian Monkey's(Palm Civet) Digestive System

2006-04-07T08:23:00.000-07:00

I read this funny article, so paste it here to share :-). How funny to think of it when I drink coffee everyday...luckily I am quite stingy...hehe.

Kopi Luwak does exist, is very expensive, and is made from coffee beans passed through the digestive system of an Indonesian animal, but it's more like a cat than a monkey. According to a feature article by the Manila Coffee House, which sells the stuff, the people who harvest the digested beans don't really have to pick through cat litter to get it. The animal processes the beans and excretes them whole, unscratched, and without dung.The animal is a palm civet, a dark brown tree-dwelling cat-like creature found throughout Southeast Asia. The scientific name is paradoxurus hermaphroditus.According to the Manila Coffee House, the palm civet just happens to like to ingest the ripest and reddest coffee beans, which also happen to be the ones best for brewing. The cat eats the outer covering of the beans in the same way that is accomplished by de-pulping machines. Something happens to the beans in the journey through the cat's intestines that gives it a flavor that is celebrated by coffee drinkers. At this point, most of the beans are purchased by Japanese buyers.

~totoro~

Amsterdam

2006-04-05T19:25:00.000-07:00

I'm now at the Easy Internet cafe in Amsterdam. The local time here is 7.10pm and I'm catching the flight at 9.40pm, which means I still have plenty of time.

I finished the interviewsss with many bosses at about 5pm. Spend some time walking around the city. This is my first time officially visiting Amsterdam. Amsterdam isn't a huge city if compare to London, only about 1 million population on its own. The street is clean and in general this city does not look as hectic as London during the peak hour.

There are so many things to write here for my interviews. I've met 2 team leaders in Gasification and Gas Treating Group, 2 big big bosses (they directly report to the Vice President of Gas Product, and Gas Product itself generates 1/3 of the $23 billion profit of Shell globally.) In short, 2 of the people I've met are pretty important people. Can't imagine they have spent an hour each talking to someone like me who is a "little fish".

I think I've understood the big picture of the entire petrochemical industry. In short, the market is huge and will keep on growing with the current and future demand. They desperately need a lot of people working with Shell Global Solution. The big boss showed to me some simple Math:

Shell's profit is $23 billion last year, employees of Shell is about 100,000. It works out to be each employ generate a profit amount of $230,000 annually. Hmmm....was it turnover of profit?? Have to check this out. Anyway, it's still a lot of money per employee. Hopefully I can help them generate more than that when they've hired me...hehehe

What's The Problem?

2006-04-02T20:47:00.000-07:00

Personally, I think the Praise Team has tried very hard for the practising today after the church service. I have to give them credit for the committment, time and effort that they have put into the worship and to the team since January. They work very well as a team, I pray and hope they will continue to grow and excel.

I seriously felt the spirit or "ummppphh" (energy) within them during a few occasions. I feel God's glory (or even I dare to say God's presence), youth's energy and lots of hope, love and joy when they were at their best "performance" or presentation.

However, sometimes this "fire" will suddenly diminish and slowly disapper. Hmmm..very interesting..I'm trying to have some serious thoughts about the list of reasons:

(1) They are really really physically tired....imagine nowadays we practise till 5pm.
(2) They are very shy to sing and are afraid of out of tune at somepoint.
(3) They will sing louder when they heard others sing even louder.
(4) We are expecting too much from them?? They have done their best...
(5) Well, they just don't bother to praise and worship, they just want to have fun.

I hope reason (5) does not exist. Reason (4) I thought is true initally, after some thoughts, I seriously think they can behave better than what's expected, I shouldn't have underestimated them instead.

I hope that's all because of reason (1). If that's the case, we will take a break in between the practice and have some food.

If it's reason (2) and (3)...hmmm...will let Dan Quan to sort it out :p

How Does Mars Look Like

2006-03-31T17:22:00.000-08:00

Google is teaming up with Arizona State University's Mars Space Flight Facility to produce the cool and interesting Google Mars. It is basically a mapping tool that allows browser to view and scroll across the surface of Mars, in the same way that Google Earth helps us to explore the earth.

If you click on the link above, you will notice apparently the website is at preliminary stage. I presume in future we can get more and better images that fully illustrate the surface of Mars. If you carefully analyse the map, you can actually tell where are the mountains, canyons, valleys and so on. I suppose this imaging technique will tell the experts and the geologists a lot.

Many places (highest mountain/deepest valley in Mars) will soon be named after those who discover them. Who will own the land in Mars in future? In fact, one can start buying the land on Moon, Mars and Venus from this website. Hmmm...interesting, people can come out with various ideas to make money.

When I was young, one of my ambitions is to own many lands.......: )

Premier League

2006-03-30T12:17:00.000-08:00

Yaayy!! Our Imperial College Badminton Team has promoted from First Division League to the Premier League next year!!!

Well, you might wonder what's the big deal. Basically, almost all sports system in the UK works quite similar to the preminent English football game. The most prestigious is so called the Premier League, then followed First Division, Second Division and so on. England is famous for its FA Premier League, but nobody cares about badminton or table tennis.

Each year a few teams will be relegated from the Premier League, and substituted by a few teams from the First Division. It works the same between the First and the Second Division.

Apparently, we are the only sports team in Imperial College who qualifies for a premier league system at the moment. We also broke the club record and history for being the first team to jot the university name in a premier league table, since the badminton league exists.

Kind of glad for our achievement, didn't waste my effort throughout the year though (even sometimes I have to skip my work). We went all the way to Cardiff yesterday to play with our opponent UWIC. Have to be frank, they are great players, but....we are better...wahahahah...end result, they get relegated from the Premier League. Too bad, that's how the secular world works I'm afraid --- natural selection :p

An average FA Premier League footballer get paid like £10,000 per week, but for badminton we get nothing, probably some T-shirt sponsors. Should have "invested" my time on football rather than badminton since young....haiii...wrong strategy.

Daylight Saving

2006-03-27T17:57:00.000-08:00

Daylight saving was first invented by William Willet (indeed he's British from Kent, only British can think of this kind of thing :p), but it was only first put into practice by the German government during the World War I, between April and October 1916. Unfortunately, William Willet died in March 1915 and didn't manage to watch his idea being implemented.

It's quite interesting to read the history and origin of the idea of daylight saving. The idea was promoted to save more coal during the coal crisis in the World War. The savings are spent on more evening activities which get more daylight, rather than being wasted during the sleep past dawn, in other way, they claim by implying Daylight Saving, more energy can be saved.

Apparently there are many debates on the pros and cons of the Daylight Saving. One funny point that was raised is what would a doctor do when a pair of twins were born during the autum daylight saving period (when the clock turns back from 3am to 2am). It will be really confusing if Baby A was born at 2.55am and Baby B was born at 3.10am. Will the doctor take that as Baby B was born at 2.10am, if that's the case then Baby B will be elder than Baby A...hmmm..interesting...

Okay..got to pack my stuff now....sneaking off....

Getting It Right

2006-03-21T16:14:00.000-08:00

I used to have this ambition to master so called "Science" when I was young, but the more I study, the more I realise how naive I were. I remember I still had that passion during my undergraduate, and to no surprise, I opt for the PhD "road" before I graduated from university.

Thank God for letting me to fulfill my dream, for giving me the opportunity to taste a doctorate life. I think PhD shouldn't be named "postgraduate", it should be called "pre-scientist" (that's why I still won't call myself as scientist) , or with this cool name ---"pre-pre-professor" (abbreviation PPP)

I seriously can't foresee myself being a "Professor". I think these people seriously deserve the title. It's not all about how brainy you are, it's about the committment, the passionate research attitude, discipline and determination, and ultimately, is the endless-diligent-hardwork that count. My view is you can excel in any research field, no matter what sort of topic, or which research department, as long as you hold these characteristics that I mentioned.

Many people tried to convince me that PhD graduates will end up staying in the academic field or at most become a professor in a uni. My answer to that now is "I don't think I'm good enough to be the so called "professor". I'm far too lame in the world of Science. I need another 20 years to be the expert."

With God's grace, if I were to serve God one day, I will make sure that I'm equipped with the "professor's attitude". I seek for the truth, and I pray for the "fire"--- the truth that connects human to God, the fire to keep me going...

Rev Foo has been serving the Lord for about 40 years (I hope I'm right). I can't imagine myself studying crystal engineering and drugs characterisation for 40 years, nor working in IBank counting money for 40 years ---- What sort of things I can do for 40 years and never get tired? Please help me Lord...

I will give up anything if I found one....I'm serious.

Have you found something that you would like to do for 40 years?

The Heart Of Worship

2006-03-20T19:06:00.000-08:00

Lyrics: Michael W. Smith 

When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

Chorus:
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

The Sin Offering

2006-03-19T05:31:00.000-08:00

I must admit that it is not easy being a Christian at all....it is not about following the rules or actions, but what I mean is, there is never a day goes by that I am struggling to receive mercy and forgiveness, and to just 'let go' and let God lead.

Before Jesus died for us, everytime we sin and aware that we have sinned, we go to God and bring Him a sin offering of a female goat without defect. Through that we will be forgiven.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Leviticus 4: 27 " 'If a member of the community sins unintentionally and does what is forbidden in any of the LORD's commands, he is guilty. 28 When he is made aware of the sin he committed, he must bring as his offering for the sin he committed a female goat without defect. 29 He is to lay his hand on the head of the sin offering and slaughter it at the place of the burnt offering. 30 Then the priest is to take some of the blood with his finger and put it on the horns of the altar of burnt offering and pour out the rest of the blood at the base of the altar. 31 He shall remove all the fat, just as the fat is removed from the fellowship offering, and the priest shall burn it on the altar as an aroma pleasing to the LORD. In this way the priest will make atonement for him, and he will be forgiven.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know about you, but if Jesus has not died ONCE and for all for our sins, I am pretty sure that I seriously need more than a herd of healthy female goats. Can you imagine having to sacrifice female goats everyday...

There is nothing more perfect than the sacrifice Jesus has done for us. And it hurts me to pieces when I feel that I have failed and dissapointed Jesus. When Jesus died, He took all our sins away....which means no more sins.... but why sin is still so real in my life right now?
Today someone told me, everytime I pray to God that I will try not to sin again the next time, I am only allowing the power of sinning to grow. Because each time I try harder not to sin, I am only focusing in using my own strength to overcome sin but not with God's strength...obviously I can't do it. All this sounds a bit confusing to me at first, but I realised that what he said does make some sense. It is really hard for me to figure this out. I must come to term that Jesus has taken our sins, and I have to learn to let go and accept His mercy and forgiveness in my life. And it is all about You.

The Heart of Worship
I'll bring you more then a song
For a song in itself
Is not what you have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You

~totoro~

The Hot Topic Recently

2006-03-15T12:17:00.000-08:00

Received a phone call from the Recruitment Coordinator again this morning. Quite please to know that my future working place is confirmed to be in Amsterdam (Holland), but there are many uncertainties yet to be finalised. Things like when can start I working, which research division I'm interested in, employment with Shell Europe or Shell Malaysia (in other way this will determine whether I will return to Malaysia in 5 years time), do I see myself in Exploration & Production division in future (coz they want to make sure both SuLee and I will have same vision in long term).

All these little questions will affect my career in long term, and most importantly, it will seriously change many circumstances that are directly related to my serving to God. Up to a point, I'm aware that to serve the Lord is not just constrained by activities in the church or relationship with the church members. My involvements in King's Cross church have seriously enlightened me that the Kingdom of God is so amazingly wide and at the same time diversified.

If you gonna ask me whether I will miss King's Cross church in future, my straight forward and instinct response would be "Of course I do, especially the junior youth and the youth fellowship".

But I'm also excited (at the same time I will wait patiently-- kinda of dilemma) to see how God will guide me to serve him in a totally different environment. I truly believe there's a great reason behind when He wants to place me in Holland with my beloved girlfriend, although at this moment both of us can't see the whole picture.

Maybe in 20 years time I will see the whole picture, or maybe longer... then I could tell you a story, provided if you wanna listen. : )

New Orientation

2006-03-11T10:58:00.000-08:00

Woke up at 8am this morning. Didn't really sleep well since Tuesday, because my mind was always thinking about the preparation of the interview and felt a bit stressed during these days (coz I was hoping desperately for the job, up to a point I think I will be really disappointed with God if I didn't get it, I know it's bad :< ) . But I still didn't get good sleep yesterday (at least for a person like me who need 9 hours sleep a day)

My mind is thinking how on earth I'm going to finish my PhD before October if I'm gonna start working by then, what shall I do on July (whether to leave London for writing up in Msia or Holland), how shall I talk to my supervisor and etc etc... too many things for me to think about now and to plan properly....I know all these seem to be huge problems, but I'm convinced that God will actually guide me.

I think I've experienced a transition of journey of faith, from disorientation to new orientation. I know it's nothing compare to what the psalmists have experience in the book of Psalm. Anyhow, I've learnt to embrace the art of spritual from the book of Psalm during the bible study with Rev Ho last year. It seriously strikes me a lot until now, whenever I read Psalm.

From Old Orientation to Disorientation, from Disorientation to New Orientation. Basically the flow is simple:
Since young or since you believe in God, people around or the old folks will tell you "no matter what would happen, God will provide everything that you need", so called "Old Orientation" ----> then one day you realise God is not actually doing what you feel He should do, especially when you desperately need for help, but yet God seems not doing anything, even sometimes you think God make things go worse (well, theologians argue God allows this to happen :>), up to a point we feel like giving up or even argue with God. At this time, we fall into a situation called "Disorientation" ----> Finally, one day God participate in the "right time and right place" according to His will (well, I never understand this to be frank), and He overturns the situation completely, and prove to us how naive and simple are humans, how weak is our faith. We feel re-orientated and lead us to "New Orientation". We then tell others the same story (testimonials) and it becomes theirs "Old Orientation"...and it goes on and on....

Hold this principle and then read Psalm 1 (Old Orientation), Psalm 13 (Dis-Orientation) and Psalm 23 (New Orientation). I hope you will start to embrace the psalms like I do. You will seriously learn something out of it, I promise.

And finally, pray for enlightment after that. Thank you Lord. : )

~Amazing Grace ~~

2006-03-10T12:09:00.000-08:00

Ohhhhhhhh!!!! I'm soooooo glad and thankful...... Vicky the recruitment coordinator from Shell just called me just now. She said I've passed and did very very well in the Recruitment Day !!!

What an amazing grace !!! A miraculous day !!! An unexpected plan from God upon me !!!

I seriously don't know what to say now...I've been looking for job for sooo long, and praying for direction, wondering what will God want me to do after my PhD. I feel just soooooo blessed that God has prepared a job that I think I will love and passionate, a post called Shell Global Solution --- a post that required technical + research skill.

So many things that I want to share regarding the process of my job hunting and the results of it, it seriously is a miracle !!!

Miracle in the sense that I will most probably be posted in Holland (don't you think everything comes into play???!!!), plus I'm given this Global Solution post that normally people with working experience will only be employed, and finally miracle in the sense God provide me the hope when I was almost hopeless !!!

I seriously feel so thankfulllllll and blesssssssed !!!

Thank you Jesus for everything, thanks for everyone's prayers as well....I know it's not the end, but it's only the beginning. May God keep guiding me to go through this, till the end. Amen.

Bird Flu

2006-03-10T09:52:00.000-08:00

http://www.hkbirdflu.com/sadchick.htm

(It might take some time to load)

Funny flash, although the song isn't very nice, but it successful depicts the "expression" of being a chicken, cool flash work.

Saturday Morning

2006-03-04T09:54:00.000-08:00

Woke up at 8am this morning, but was lying on the bed till 9am. So many things were in my mind recently, I think the most important thing will be the event on this Thursday. That's why I'm now in the uni preparing for the presentation on Thursday. Wish me luck...

My girlfriend's in London since Thursday night. Can't really spend much time with her this time. Kinda of feel guilty. Hope she will enjoy her shopping later and the weather --- what a sunny Saturday!! Later I will be joining her for Dim Sum in chinatown for lunch.

Better get my work started..... all the best everyone.

Uni Night

2006-02-28T19:04:00.000-08:00

Won't be going home to cook tonight, have to stay back in university to do some work. Another dinnerless night --- I know it's bad, but I've bought plenty of biscuits and cookies, and some fruits.

Was doing the movie clip of the Praise Team Practice while I was running some experiments as well. Today, my experiment requires high manual intervention, basically every 10 minutes I have to go to the lab and click the button....so ridiculous. Well, what to do, this is so called lab work. So I can't sit down properly and concentrate on real work. Experiment + movie clip is what I've done. : )

Kinda of funny and touched when I myself watch the movie clip again. These people are just so energetic and passionate. They are a team of soldier, a team of hyper soldiers and preparing to fight for Lord.

Haii..youth fellowship ar youth fellowhsip ar.... when shall we revive again ???? Hope the Junior Youth can stimulate us....

Tomorrow is the start of Lent Season..."Entering Into Silence".... Need to pray desperately for my important day on 9th March (Thursday).

The Season Of Lent

2006-02-26T05:59:00.000-08:00

Next Wednesday (01/03/2006) is the beginning of the Lent season. I quoted some definitions about this season, since they will explained it better than I do :-)

“Ash Wednesday is the first day of the Season of Lent and begins with the imposition of ashes ~ Both ashes and fasting are ancient symbols of penance common in the Old Testament, symbols that are referred to by Jesus in the New Testament. Lent is the Church Season given to us for penance, reflection and fasting ~ a way of turning to God with our whole hearts ~ in preparation for the glorious Resurrection of Our Lord, Jesus Christ.”

“Lent is a season of soul-searching and repentance. It is a season for reflection and taking stock. Lent originated in the very earliest days of the Church as a preparatory time for Easter, when the faithful rededicated themselves and when converts were instructed in the faith and prepared for baptism. By observing the forty days of Lent, the individual Christian imitates Jesus’ withdrawal into the wilderness for forty days. All churches that have a continuous history extending before AD 1500 observe Lent. The ancient church that wrote, collected, canonized, and propagated the New Testament also observed Lent, believing it to be a commandment from the apostles.”

I am quite excited about the coming Lent season this year, maybe because I am more aware of it, and also the need of reflection of my Christian life. The coming forty days, I want to know God all over again, and much more. The need to draw close to Him, the need to sacrifice and give up on sins....needs lot of faith and determination. I wonder, in these forty days, can I not to get angry unnessarily, not to be greedy, not to gossip!, not to be selfish, plus to give up computer games or watching too much TV!!! I’m already feel the pain having to cut back TV :-p....oddly but I know these things draw me away from God. Instead, I truly want a forty days full of joy, gratefulness, peace and love. And of course not only 40 days, but the rest of my life’s journey. It is really going to be a battle, but I want to put it as a battle that I know I will win at the end.

So, do you have something you want to try to give up these forty days to be closer to God? It is a good time to think about it now. I added something below for your reading of the forty days.

God Bless.
~totoro~

Stillness in Lent: Day By Day
“Be still and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10) is a powerful primer of prayer. God is. God is God. The God of all ages is the God of our friends and of our enemies, neither of our creation nor under our control. Anything we say about God is only an approximation, for God is most definitely Other. Lent is a time to recognize and be present to God “the other” in the depth and silence of our hearts. In that stillness await the mystery of the Resurrection.

Ash Wednesday: Entering into silence
Jl 2:12-18; 2 Cor 5:20—6:2; Mt 6:1-6, 16-18) Lent invites us to silence in God’s presence. Jesus tells us to go to our inner rooms, to close the door and pray to our Father in secret. There we must first acknowledge our utter dependence on God. As Lent begins, pray for that grace.

Thursday: Recognizing the Cross
Dt 30:15-20; Lk 9:22-25) Sometimes we mistake loneliness for holy silence with God. Since loneliness is a part of the Cross of life, we bear it willingly when we must. But we need not avoid other people completely to be holy. Jesus speaks today about self-denial. Hear him explain that we do not save our lives for ourselves.

Friday: Understanding fasting
(Is 58:1-9a; Mt 9:14-15) Lent is a time for fasting, and fasting can be a positive and joyful experience. Yes, the bridegroom will leave us, but we know he is with us eternally. How can we grow closer to God? Think of positive ways to fast for Lent.

Saturday: Healing
(Is 58:9b-14; Lk 5:27-32) Jesus knows we need healing, of physical illness, of painful memories, perhaps of a sinful past. Healing does not always mean forgetting or disappearing. Ask Jesus to heal whatever separates you from peaceful silence with God.

First Sunday of Lent: Starting and stopping
(Mt 4:1-11 [Cycle A]; Mk 1:12-15 [B]; Lk 4:1-13 [C])Just a few days into Lent and already we are tired. There are so many other things to pursue: riches, honor, pride. Just for today, imagine you are standing alone with Jesus in the desert. What tempts you to quit your Lenten resolve? Ask Jesus to help you continue.

Monday: Who is Jesus?
(Lv 19:1-2, 11-18; Mt 25:31-46) Matthew’s Gospel has lots of practical advice. Here Jesus explains how to find him. If we feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, welcome the stranger, clothe the naked and visit the imprisoned, we have made a good start in locating Jesus in our midst. Recognize your own and others’ hunger, thirst, aloneness, embarrassment and imprisonment. See Jesus in others and in yourself.

Tuesday: How to pray
(Is 55:10-11; Mt 6:7-15) Today Jesus teaches a stunning lesson. The Our Father we say so easily is truly a pledge of dependence on God and God’s will. If we see God in all things, we can better understand what Jesus is teaching us to say. Pray the Our Father a few times today.

Wednesday: Signs and signals
(Jon 3:1-10; Lk 11:29-32) Collectively we like to be affirmed in our beliefs. We want to see our understandings of faith and morals triumph all about. But often the world does not recognize Jesus as Son of God, any more than the people of an earlier age recognized Jonah. Ask for the grace to resist some worldly denial of Christ that attracts you.

Thursday: Persistence is a virtue
(Est C:12, 14-16, 23-25; Mt 7:7-12) Evil often suggests that persistence is mere stubbornness, and that you should just give up trying to do God’s will. But Jesus promises that persistent knocking will open the door, that persistent prayer will grant you good things. Pay attention to the persistent needs of those about you, and answer them as Jesus might.

Friday: Making peace
(Ez 18:21-28; Mt 5:20-26) There is no sense in trying to ignore anger when we pray. When that anger is directed at another person, we must try to make peace if we can and forgive the other in the stillness of our hearts. Recognize the interior peace that comes from praying for enemies.

Saturday: Loving others
(Dt 26:16-19; Mt 5:43-48) It is easy to love distant enemies. Pride often reminds us how well we pray for the opponent in war or in politics. How much harder it is to love the one who hurts you. We do not need to excuse or forget, but we must always forgive. Pray for that grace.

Second Sunday of Lent: Keep moving
(Dn 9:4b-10; Lk 6:36-38) Jesus teaches us to live honestly. If we do not judge, condemn or withhold forgiveness, neither will we be judged, condemned nor unforgiven. Ask in silence to understand, rather than judge, the person who puzzles us.

Tuesday: Humility 101
(Is 1:10, 16-20; Mt 23:1-12) Humility is crucial to the Lenten journey, and it is truly difficult to be humble. Often we really do know more than the next person. But to see everyone through God’s eyes is to see the humble Jesus before us. If we can do that, we are beginning to be humble.

Wednesday: Status symbols
(Jer 18:18-20; Mt 20:17-28) Jesus is the Son of God, but he is as helpless as the rest of us in the human condition. He tells his followers that he will be killed. Who will be the next leader? Jesus surprises them and us by insisting that the leader is the servant. How does that echo in your life?

Thursday: Serving and being served
(Jer 17:5-10; Lk 16:19-31) We can apply the parable of poor Lazarus to organizations, nations and ourselves. If we consume everything and leave nothing for the poor, we will have consumed our rewards as well. Look for an opportunity to quietly share time and material goods with someone else.

Friday: Watching and waiting
(Gn 37:3-4, 12-13a, 17b-28a; Mt 21:33-43, 45-46) Jesus’ death approaches. Like the vineyard owner, God first sent prophets and then his own Son. All were ignored, and this parable foretells Jesus’ death. Allow yourself to feel dismay at the way the world continues to ignore Jesus.

Saturday: Hope survives
(Mic 7:14-15, 18-20; Lk 15:1-3, 11-32) Hope is central to a life of faith and charity. The father found his lost son, but only because the lost son trusted his father would receive him. If we neglect hope, depression may overtake our good efforts. Ask to better learn the virtue of hope.

Third Sunday of Lent: Give yourself a chance
(Jn 4:5-52 [A]; Jn 2:13-25 [B]; Lk 13:1-9 [C]) Today’s Gospel speaks about conversion. We all have a chance to “turn it around.” The Samaritan woman, the money changers in the Temple and the poor, barren fig tree remind us of the second chance God gives. No matter how the days of Lent have gone so far, let this week mark a new beginning and a fresh start on the journey.

Monday: Jealousy
(2 Kgs 5:1-15a; Lk 4:24-30) Lent is a time to quietly examine our relationships with others, as well as with the Lord. We often get a bit too critical of one another, especially of those closest to us. What “prophet” have you run out of your life lately? And why?

Tuesday: Forgiveness
(Dn 3:25, 34-43; Mt 18:21-35) If we cannot forgive other people, how can we forgive ourselves? Jesus tells us to forgive the brother or sister who sins against us 77 times. That’s a lot of forgiving! Ask for the grace to keep up with Jesus’ command.

Wednesday: Rules
(Dt 4:1, 5-9; Mt 5:17-19) Jesus reminds us today that there are boundaries in every part of life. If we ignore those boundaries—if we break the rules—we will meet some punishment. Ask God to give you a healthy response to the law of God.

Thursday: Siding with Jesus
(Jer 7:23-28; Lk 11:14-23) Jesus tells us there are two sets of people in life: those who are with him and those who are against him. Sometimes the problem is figuring out who’s who. Ask for the wisdom to see things through Jesus’ eyes.

Friday: Loving
(Hos 14:2-10; Mk 12:28b-34) The most difficult task in learning to see things as Jesus does is also the easiest: We must look with loving eyes. If we say we love the Lord, we must also try to love each other. Try that, just for today.

Saturday: Remembering the essentials
(Hos 6:1-6; Lk 18:9-14) There is nothing worse than the person who is proud of how humble he is. The Pharisee has that sort of silly response to life. The poor tax collector knows who he is and what he has done. Jot down a few notes about who you are this Lent, and thank the Lord for self-knowledge.

Fourth Sunday of Lent: Rejoice!
(Jn 9:1-41 [A]; Jn 3:14-21 [B]; Lk 15:1-3, 11-32 [C]) Last Thursday marked the midpoint of Lent, and today the Church celebrates Laetare Sunday, a happy day of encouragement in the midst of the long fast. Today there may be flowers on the altar and music at Mass. The priest and deacon wear rose-colored vestments. Hear God’s joyful encouragement to you this day.

Monday: Healing and trust
(Is 65:17-21; Jn 4:43-54) The concrete example of today’s Gospel echoes in our own lives: Jesus has told this man his child will live. How often do we silently hear God’s promise, and remain afraid? Ask God to help you believe his promises.

Tuesday: The world does not understand
(Ez 47:1-9, 12; Jn 5:1-16) Jesus broke the rules by healing on the Sabbath, and the sick man broke the rules by carrying his mat. Often God’s rules override those of the world, but the world does not understand. Pray to accept your experiences of God’s way over the ways of the world.

Wednesday: This is for real
(Is 49:8-15; Jn 5:17-30) Jesus’ accusers are furious. He healed on the Sabbath and he called God his Father. Jesus knows the consequences, but he does not back down. We live in the same tension with the world. Resolve to stand your ground.

Thursday: Confusion
(Ex 32:7-14; Jn 5:31-47)Parts of the Gospel of John are very confusing. Today Jesus speaks in a confusing way about confusion. Who to believe? Who to listen to? Quietly offer your own confusion to the Lord, and ask for light.

Friday: Recognizing Christ
(Wis 2:1a, 12-22; Jn 7:1-2, 10, 25-30) Jesus’ time draws near, yet he continues to speak openly in the temple. Even though his enemies want to have him arrested, he remains free, because his time has not yet come. Pray to understand that no one can silence the truth.

Saturday: Listening and watching
(Jer 11:18-20; Jn 7:40-53) Jesus continues to teach, and his enemies are all about. Only Nicodemus understands the most basic point: Jesus is innocent, and the law will not condemn an innocent person. Pray to speak in defense of the innocent.

Fifth Sunday of Lent: Prepare to rise
(Jn 11:1-45 [A]; 12:20-33 [B]; 8:1-11 [C]) We fear death. Both really and metaphorically death brings change. As we daily die to sin and selfishness, we prepare ourselves to rise with Christ at the time of our own natural deaths. Ask God to quiet any fears you may have.

Monday: Throwing stones
(Dn 13:1-9, 15-17, 19-30, 33-62; Jn 8:1-11) Jesus stops the crowd from stoning the woman, not because she is innocent of their claims, but because they are equally guilty of something. Try to find a reasonable explanation for some offense you think you see, and leave God to be the judge.

Tuesday: God is God
(Nm 21:4-9; Jn 8:21-30) Jesus further confounds the crowd. Who is he? “I AM.” Jesus is the Son of the Father. Be still, and know that God is God.

Wednesday: Children of God
(Dn 3:14-20, 91-92, 95; Jn 8:31-42) Jesus further confounds his followers. He is of God, and if they were children of God they would love him. How could they not? Meditate on your relationship to Jesus.

Thursday: The Son of God
(Gn 17:3-9; Jn 8:51-59) As Jesus moves closer to his death, his statements are more and more scandalous to the people. God is his Father, and he knows God while they do not. Humbly accept that thought from Jesus, and ask him to teach you about his Father.

Friday: Works of the Father
(Jer 20:10-13; Jn 10:31-42) Again they pick up rocks to stone Jesus. His self-defense is simple: Either he performs the Father’s works or he does not. Believe or disbelieve according to those terms. The simple folk across the Jordan believe. Ask for quiet simplicity in your faith.

Saturday: Hiding
(Ex 37:21-28; Jn 11:45-56) Caiaphas’s interests are political: Jesus troubles the delicate balance of power in Jerusalem. Jesus knows his enemies and has left Jerusalem. Will he come back for the Passover? Allow yourself to feel the anguish Jesus felt in knowing what lay ahead.

Holy Week/Palm Sunday
(Mt 26:14—27:66 [A]; Mk 14:1—15:47 [B]; Lk 22:14—23:56 [C]) Jesus returns to Jerusalem riding on a simple beast, and he is hailed as “King of the Jews.” The good news of his gospel is a joyful reformation of the law. He claims to be the Son of God, and he promises everlasting life for all. He is unstoppable. Join in welcoming him.

Monday: Preparing for death
(Is 42:1-7; Jn 12:1-11) Today’s Gospel returns us to Bethany, where Mary, Martha and their raised brother Lazarus live. Mary takes the precious oil usually used for burial preparations and pours it on Jesus’ feet. Does she recognize how close his death is? Do something today for someone you love.

Tuesday: Betrayal and denial
(Is 49:1-6; Jn 13:21-33, 36-38) Jesus’ friends are still with him, and Peter says he will never betray Jesus. He clearly believes what he says. Silently understand how often you have said the same.

Wednesday: Spy Wednesday
(Is 50:4-9a; Mt 26:14-25) This day was once called “Spy Wednesday,” the day Judas is exposed. Judas has taken 30 pieces of silver to betray Jesus, yet he still eats with him. Understand Jesus’ anguish, and the confusion of the apostles at this revelation.

Triduum
Holy Thursday: This is my body
(Ex 12:1-8, 11-14; 1 Cor 11:23-26; Jn 13:1-15) Today consider the body of Christ. The washed feet belong to the body of Christ. The blessed bread actually becomes the body of Christ. It is offered with the simple words: “The body of Christ.” Be, and continue to become, what you receive.
Good Friday: This is my blood
(Is 52:13—53:12; Heb 4:14-16, 5:7-9; Jn 18:1—19:42) Jesus’ blood washes across the centuries as a salve for sin. Yet we cannot stand to watch his suffering in our mind’s eye. Allow yourself to know his suffering, and keep that sense of compassion for all who suffer.
Easter Vigil: The tomb is empty
(Mt 28:1-10 [A]; Mk 16:1-7 [B]; Lk 24:1-12 [C]) Holy Saturday is a time of waiting and watching, trusting, hoping that Jesus’ words were God’s promise. Wait and watch with the women in belief, and rejoice!
By Phyllis Zagano

What A Waste

2006-02-21T17:13:00.000-08:00

I was recently impressed but disappointed by the biography of the great Mathematician, John Nash. Really impressed me when he could wrote a 27 pages PhD thesis at his age of 21, titled "Non-Cooperative Games". His famous "Game Theory" and "Nash Equilibrium" at that time won him the Nobel Prize in Economics Science 45 years later in 1994, when nowadays many people are utilising his theory in various applications ranging from Economics to military purposes.

Was trying hard to understand his Game Theory, seems like a great piece of work, totally genius !! What shocked me the most is the true life story of John Nash. A young and talented genius, but end up getting mad and diagnosed with mental illness (schizophrenia) for his rest of the life. He's now recovered from his illness and is a professor in Princeston University. Really enjoyed reading his biography, and I supposed the film "Beautiful Mind" is definitely awesome too.

A life without God can be very successful and brilliant; on the other hand, a life without God can be soooo hopeless....

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" (Prov. 1:7)

Wise or smart? Which one you prefer?

Great Weekend

2006-02-20T17:36:00.000-08:00

The praise song "I Pray" is not playing *sob sob*..well, can't complain much coz the website is free. Was trying hard to solve it, but still not working....perhaps the host doesnt like my song. Any other free movie uploading website??? Any recommendation?

I was running calibration test on my equipment. Apparently my equipment is not giving accurate reading, need to check it out. Hopefully is my calculation problem and not the apparatus's.

I had a great weekend I supposed. Starting from Saturday's tuition at 3pm, quite pity my students have to sit there 2 hours for Maths and Chemistry, I hope they can cope with the new style ---what to do, examsss coming !!! Better pity myself :p
Followed by the Fellowship at 5.30pm---a talk on Doctorine of God by Rev Ho. I thought we had a great discussion and am really impressed by the recent culture in the fellowship. They seem to think more critically than before, and surprisingly people actually brainstormed on the topic and some illustrations of Trinity which is so abstract and complicated. I really enjoyed the discussion and looking forward to the next week fellowship.

Sunday's bible study at morning was great, apart from I didn't actually finish my homework. I think I'm following the discussion so far and seriously need to do some intensive preparation and readingssss this week.

Then followed by Song Lead practise at 11.30am!!! Everyone did put in effort to arrive on time. To be frank, I was quite nervous on Sunday --- I seriously scared we would screw up the Song Lead during the service; but deep in my heart, I knew they will learn something out of it no matter what'd happened. It ended up very well I would say, judging from the aspect that this was their proper "first serve", and it's the first junior youth Song Lead (They called themselves "Praise Team") in the King's Cross church history, thank you Lord !!! We shall keep going....

Praise team practice after the service was good. They are starting to learn new songs. Sometimes I wish I could play piano realllllly well, then I don't have to seek helpers desperately and wasting so much time, and perhaps I would be able teach these youngsters to become great pianistsss!!! I would if I could, but I can't !! shame ~~~~~

This is sooo unfair: God has granted good mentors to guide the youth fellowship, but no one care to learn ; on the other hand, God has also granted a group of talented and passionate junior youth, but there is no good mentorsss.

Perhaps it's not about fairness, it's about how we work it out !!! Please help us God....

7 Day

2006-02-17T11:55:00.000-08:00

Hurray...it's weekend. Friday always seem like a relax day for me, although I still have to work hard on my experiment.

Anyhow, sometimes I feel I'm even busier on Saturday and Sunday with church activities, didn't actually feel "Sabbath" --- but I enjoy a lot, so no complain.

Why God only need 6 days to create the world? Why does He rest on the 7th? Does he really need to rest or just for the sake for human?

Heard that human in past history had tried to make 10-day a week or 5-day a week. Apparently the system didn't work well. The former system will make you exhaust and the latter will make you feel lazy. The so called "nature" has to follow a rule --- the rule from its Creator.

I'm looking forward to the Praise Team song leading this Sunday. Hope they will learn something from this.

Have a nice weekend.

Happy Birthday Mummy

2006-02-14T09:16:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day to my dearest girlfriend, and of course, Happy Birthday to Mum; she was born on this special occasion.

I called home this morning to greet my mum, apparently she's taking care of my nephew coz he's got fever, and most surprisingly many of my brothers don't remember today is my mum's birthday ---- I don't think they care about Valentine's Day as well, even before they married. :p

I think all my simblings (including me) have inherited genetically from my dad. I can't remember when was the last time my dad celebrated birthday or Valentine's Day with mummy, but thank God that mummy has never complaint before (maybe she complaint to my aunties). Perhaps everyday seems like a special day to my family, or at least to my mum. We used to sit around the table and had dinner together (7 of us) every evening when we were young, we don't need special occasion to gather everyone like now.

I can't really remember all my brothers' birthday, and we don't usually celebrate birthday at home. We don't give each other gifts or greetings ---- we are just not used to express our love to each other in this way. Perhaps you would say we are weird or lack of communication, but I still insist we are a lovely and strong-binded family.

How can I prove this to you? Hmm.... I can't...Just like you can't prove the non-existence of God either. : )
I'm still learning how to express my emotion...bear with me.

A Valentine Story

2006-02-14T06:27:00.000-08:00

Here is a very nice story to share, taken from the Chicken Soup For the Soul. Happy Valentine's Day to all.

Roses for Rose
By James A. Kisner
Submitted by Bonny Eiffert

Red roses were her favorites - her name was also Rose -And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows.The year he died the roses were delivered to her door.The card said, "Be my Valentine," like all the years before.Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,"I love you even more this year than last year on this day.My love for you will always grow with every passing year."She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.She thought, "He ordered roses in advance before this day."Her loving husband did not know that he would pass away.He always liked to do things early, way before the time.Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.She trimmed the stems and placed them in a veryspecial vase,Then sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.She would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair,While staring at his picture and the roses sitting there.A year went by and it was hard to live without her mate,With loneliness and solitude that had become her fate.Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,The doorbell rang, and there were roses sitting by her door.She brought the roses in, and then just looked at themin shock,Then went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.The owner answered and she asked him if he would explain,Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?"I know your husband passed away more than a year ago,"The owner said. "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know,The flowers you received today were paid for in advance.Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance."There is a standing order that I have on file down here,And he has paid well in advance; you'll get them every year.There also is another thing that I think you should know:He wrote a special little card . . . he did this years ago."Then, should ever I find out that he's no longer here,That's the card that should be sent to you the following year."She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard,Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.Inside the card she saw that he had written her a note.Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote. . . ."Hello, my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone,I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome."I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real,For if it were the other way, I know how I would feel.The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.I loved you more than words can say. You were theperfect wife."You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.That is why the roses will be sent to you for years."When you get these roses, think of all the happinessThat we had together, and how both of us were blessed.I have always loved you, and I know I always will.But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still."Please try to find happiness, while living out your days.I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.The roses will come every year, and they will only stopWhen your door's not answered when the florist stops to knock."He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.But after his last visit, he will know without a doubtTo take the roses to the place where I've instructed him,And place the roses where we are, together once again."

這 是 我 們 的 故 事 .....